0?e  NATIONAL  CAPITAL 

CODEof  ETIQUETTE 

COMBINED   WITH 

SILAS  X.  FLOYD'S 

SHORT  STORIES 


DEDICATEDUteCOLOREP  RACE 


CIIIY 

ARY 


ISITY  OF 
ORNIA 


NATIONAL  CAPITAL  CODE 

of 

ETIQUETTE 


By 
EDWARD  S.  GREEN 


AUSTIN  JENKINS  COMPANY 

Publishers 

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Colored  Race  by  Negro  Authors 

Write,  for  free  circulars 
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Copyright  1920 

By  A.  N.  JENKINS 

All  text  and  every  illustration  in  this  book  is 
rigidly  protected  by  Copyright  Law. 


KJJ&& 


PUBLISHER'S  NOTE 

This  volume  has  been  prepared  by  the  author 
after  months  of  careful  thought  and  deliberation. 
It  is  doubtful  if  there  is  a- man  living  in  America 
today  more  competent  to  make  suggestions  to  the 
general  public  concerning  proper  conduct  on  any 
and  all  occasions  than  Mr.  Edward  S.  Green.  He 
has  served  the  United  States  Government  for 
eighteen  years,  is  a  college  graduate  and  recog- 
nized as  a  man  of  letters  and  literary  attainments. 
His  service  in  diplomatic  circles  both  at  home  and 
abroad  has  given  him  the  practical  experience 
which  stamps  him  as  an  undoubted  authority  on 
"  Etiquette. "  His  statements  may  be  accepted  as 
conservative  and  absolutely  correct. 

The  reader  of  this  book  who  earnestly  strives  to 
follow  its  teachings  so  far  as  possible  will  be  as 
near  correct  as  it  is  possible  to  be  in  this  imperfect 
world. 

We  consider  it  a  great  pleasure,  and  our  especial 
privilege,  to  respectfully  dedicate  this  volume  to 
THE  COLORED  RACE. 

AUSTIN  JENKINS  COMPANY. 


026 


PREFACE 


If  the  author  were  suddenly  asked  to  give  one 
of  the  greatest  SECRETS  OF  SUCCESS,  he  would  un- 
hesitatingly reply 

"  GOOD  MANNERS." 

And  what  are  good  manners?  They  are  one  of 
the  first  absolutely  essential  qualifications  for  the 
perfect  lady  or  gentleman.  Just  as  the  polish 
perfects  and  makes  the  rough  diamond  a  thing  of 
beauty  and  inestimable  value;  so  a  polite  and 
courteous  exterior  adds  to  the  personality  of  man, 
woman  or  child. 

No  matter  how  humble  a  man's  position  in  life, 
no  matter  how  high  he  may  climb  financially  or 
socially — be  he  banker,  broker,  clerk,  mechanic, 
laborer,  stevedore — if  he  be  truly  worth  while,  he 
has  within  himself  the  desire  to  gain  the  respect 
and  esteem  of  his  fellowmen.  This  is  a  worthy 
ambition  and  its  realization  is  within  reach  of  us 
all. 

It  is  true  that  a  superficial  veneer  and  polish 
frequently  disguises  a  malicious  and  contemptible 
nature,  just  as  there  are  imitations  for  all  beauti- 
ful paintings  or  valuable  jewels.  Good  manners 
can  never  alone  make  the  perfect  lady  or  the 
perfect  gentleman;  there  must  be  a  foundation 
of  human  kindness,  honesty  and  character. 

An  army  officer  on  the  staff  of  George  Washing- 
ton once  criticized  him  for  raising  his  hat  to  a 

6 


PREFACE  7 

colored  laborer.  The  laborer,  who  was  working 
on  the  road  over  which  the  two  distinguished 
officers  were  riding  sprang  to  his  feet  and  politely 
raised  his  hat.  General  Washington  promptly 
bowed  and  raised  his  hat  in  return. 

When  the  General's  friend  suggested  that  his 
high  position  made  the  act  of  returning  the  colored 
man 's  salute  undignified,  the  General  replied : 

"Do  you  suppose  I  ever  want  to  think  that  he 
had  better  manners  than  I  did?" 

Thus  spoke  the  perfect  gentleman;  kindly  con- 
sideration of  our  inferiors  as  well  as  deference  to 
our  superiors  is  one  of  the  first  rudiments  of 
good  manners. 

Every  true  American  citizen  secretly  desires  to 
appear  at  his  best  when  meeting  men  and  women 
who  may  occupy  a  somewhat  higher  position  in 
the  business  world  or  society  than  he  does.  A 
feeling  of  .embarrassment  at  such  times  is  most 
natural,  extreme  nervousness  is  perfectly  excus- 
able. To  be  able  to  control  these  feelings  and  to 
appear  perfectly  at  ease  in  any  walk  of  life  or  in 
any  class  of  society  requires  careful  preparation 
and  practice  of  those  small  actions  and  accomplish- 
ments so  necessary  to  establish  oneself  and  to 
gain  a  reputation  of  being  a  man  or  woman  of 
the  world. 

Without  doubt,  the  person  who  has  learned  to 
act  naturally  has  accomplished  a  great  deal 
towards  his  aim  for  good  manners.  Affectation, 


8  PREFACE 

airs,  coquettish  actions,  haughtiness  are  often 
mistaken  for  good  breeding,  but  not  for  long. 

We  all  of  us  would  like  to  be  popular.  A  few 
hints  as  to  how  to  realize  this  desire  are  not  out  of 
place  right  here. 

First — You  know  what  displeases  or  angers  you 
personally.  Avoid  all  such  words  or  actions  in 
your  contact  with  others. 

Second — The  very  young,  and  I  think  I  can 
safely  say  this  is  more  noticeable  in  the  young 
woman  than  the  man,  are  possessed  of  an  abso- 
lutely incorrect  idea  that  the  world  at  large  is 
vitally  concerned  in  their  own  little  romances, 
escapades,  etc.  How  frequently  you  notice  a  young 
girl  who  monopolizes  the  conversation  for  hours, 
telling  of  where  she  has  been,  "What  Charley 
said"  that  "So  and  So  was  crazy  about  her,"  a 
sort  of  continued  performance  of  herself.  No 
matter  what  charms  a  young  woman  may  possess, 
she  will  be  unable  to  overcome  the  handicap  of 
this  line  of  conversation. 

Third — Strive  to  please.  Study  your  friends 
and  acquaintances.  If  they  have  hobbies,  encour- 
age them  to  talk  about  their  specialty.  Find  out 
what  interests  them  and  then  learn  to  be  a  good 
"  listener."  You  will  be  amazed  at  the  reputation 
you  will  presently  gain  for  being  intelligent,  with- 
out having  to  express  any  opinions  yourself. 
There  are  few  who  are  unselfish  enough  to  follow 
this  continually  and  literally,  but  when  one  does, 
he  is  everybody's  friend. 


PREFACE  9 

Be  quick  to  share  the  joy  or  grief  of  an  acquaint- 
ance; sympathize  with  them  in  bereavement  and 
rejoice  with  them  in  good  fortune;  lead  them  to 
think  that  you  are  personally  interested  in  every- 
thing that  concerns  them.  If  a  friend  is  bound  up 
heart  and  soul  in  some  undertaking,  whether  an 
affair  of  the  heart,  profession,  sports,  business, 
let  him  gain  the  impression  that  his  success  and 
interest  are  matters  of  vital  importance  to  your- 
self— if  more  of  us  followed  these  hints  for  tact 
and  diplomacy,  the  world  would  be  a  happier  place 
in  which  to  live. 

This  volume  has  been  prepared  with  the  end  in 
view  of  properly  fitting  the  young  man  or  woman 
to  occupy  their  proper  place  in  society;  to  assist 
them  in  acquiring  the  poise  and  bearing  that  is 
absolutely  essential  for  their  future  happiness 
and  welfare.  Followed  carefully,  the  teachings  of 
this  book  will  go  far  towards  assuring  success  both 
socially  and  financially. 


CONTENTS 

PAGE 

PREFACE   6 

I.    How  TO  DRESS 13 

II.    CORRECT  TABLE  MANNERS 24 

III.  ON  THE  STREET 29 

IV.  CORRECT  STYLES  FOR  VISITING  CARDS 33 

V.   INTRODUCING  FRIENDS  OR  ACQUAINTANCES 43 

VI.   ART  OF  CONVERSATION 50 

VII.   WEDDINGS  AND  WEDDING  ANNIVERSARIES 55 

VIII.    SOCIAL  CALLS,  AFTERNOON  RECEPTIONS 67 

IX.   BALLS,  DANCES,  PARTIES 74 

X.    AT  THE  THEATER 82 

XI.    PERIODS  OF  MOURNING 86 

XII.    AT  CHURCH   8H 

XIII.  CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING:  SAMPLE  SOCIAL  AND 

BUSINESS  FORMS 93 

XIV.  IN  THE  HOME 123 

XV.    GENERAL  RULES  132 

XVI.    SUGGESTED  MENUS 137 

XVII.    CORRECT  DRESS  CHART  FOR  MEN.  .  .139 


11 


CHAPTER  I 

HOW  TO  DEESS 

The  old  adage  that  "  Clothes  make  the  man  " 
has  long  since  been  discarded  as  greatly  over- 
drawn and  generally  used  by  some  wide-awake, 
up-to-date  clothing  manufacturer  as  a  fetching 
advertisement  to  assist  in  the  sale  of  his  goods. 
However,  it  certainly  is  an  indisputable  fact  that 
clothes  contribute  to  no  small  extent  to  a  man's 
success  or  failure.  Nothing  is  to  be  herein  mis- 
construed as  indicating  that  a  man  or  woman  must 
necessarily  have  expensive  clothes  in  order  to  be 
properly  dressed.  Prevailing  styles  are  far  more 
closely  followed  by  the  feminine  portion  of  the 
human  race  than  by  mere  man.  The  intelligent, 
accomplished  woman  of  today,  with  some  ability 
as  a  seamstress,  can  dress  not  only  in  a  becoming 
manner,  but  by  following  the  style  and  fashion 
exhibited  freely  in  the  exhibition  cases  and  win- 
dows of  any  first-class  department  store,  can  be 
really  smart  in  her  wearing  apparel. 

The  male  of  the  species  is  more  fortunate; 
styles  are  more  conservative,  and  while  our  haber- 
dashers are  striving  from  time  to  time  to  force 
striking  and  extreme  styles  with  belts,  tightly 
fitting  waist  bands,  flaring  and  fancy  vests,  yet 
the  really  well-dressed  man  rarely  goes  to  such 
extremes.  • 

13 


14  HOW  TO  DRESS 

The  two  most  essential  points  in  a  man's  correct 
dress  are  at  his  feet  and  throat.  No  matter  how 
finely  garbed  a  young  fellow  may  be  as  he  strolls 
down  the  main  street  of  his  home  town,  if  his 
shoes  are  not  nicely  polished  and  his  collar  and  tie 
immaculate  and  in  good  taste,  his  general  appear- 
ance is  extremely  bad.  The  styles  of  collar  that 
may  be  worn  correctly  are  practically  unlimited 
The  tall  and  slender  individual  appears  at  his  best 
in  a  somewhat  high  collar,  while  the  heavy-set, 
stockily-built  man  should  select  a  collar  of  medium 
or  limited  height.  It  is  in  poor  taste  for  a  man 
with  a  long  neck  to  wear  a  low  collar,  while  it  is 
positive  torture,  besides  looking  badly,  for  a  gen- 
tleman who  has  accumulated  considerable  flesh 
about  the  throat  to  attempt  to  force  his  neck  into  a 
wide  style. 

A  black  tie  is  considered  good  form  on  practi- 
cally any  occasion,  while  almost  any  style  or  colors 
may  be  pleasingly  chosen  during  office  hours  by 
the  business  man  or  clerk.  Be  careful  to  avoid 
colors  that  do  not  blend  with  the  remainder  of 
your  wearing  apparel,  and  above  all  things  shun 
the  so-called  "  loud  "  ties  with  colors  that  fairly 
shriek  unto  Heaven.  Avoid  bright  reds,  yellows 
and  light  greens  as  you  would  the  plague;  dark 
reds,  dark  greens,  browns,  black  and  white  stripes 
or  checks  are  always  good  form. 

The  proper  tie  for  a  dinner  or  Tuxedo  coat  is  a 
plain  black  bow;  the  so-called  bat-wing  is  a  good 
sample  of  this  style.  For  the  few  occasions  when 


THOMAS  CIRCLE,   THOMAS   STATUE  IN  BACKGROUND,  ILLUSTRAT- 
ING  CONSERVATIVE   STREET  CLOTHES   FOR  GENTLEMEN. 


16  HOW  TO   DRESS 

strictly  Full  Dress  is  worn,  a  medium-sized  white 
bow  tie,  with  a  straight  collar,  which  may  or  may 
not  be  turned  over  at  the  edges  where  fastened  is 
good  form.  White  gloves  are  usually  worn  in  con- 
nection with  Full  Dress  at  weddings  or  other  ultra 
fashionable  functions. 

Business  men,  in  fact,  all  men  whose  work  is'of 
a  sedentary  or  indoor  character,  should  choose 
patterns  that  are  becoming,  but  should  not  choose 
clothes  with  loud  stripes  or  checks.  It  is  always 
well  to  remember  that  any  suit  of  clothes  that 
attracts  attention  by  its  unsual  or  striking  appear- 
ance  is  bad  form. 

During  the  working  hours,  neglige  shirts  are  the 
proper  thing,  with  soft  cuffs,  reversible  or  not,  as 
desired.  Soft  collars  on  extremely  hot  days  are 
quite  correct.  With  Tuxedo  or  Full  Dress,  a  stiff 
front  white  shirt  should  be  worn. 

Black  shoes  are  always  proper.  Tan  shoes  may- 
be worn  with  practically  any  suit,  but  black  foot- 
wear is  much  preferable  with  dark  clothes.  Avoid 
extremely  light  tan  shoes — the  very  light  shades 
of  tan  are  becoming  almost  obsolete.  Black  shoes 
only  should,  of  course,  be  worn  with  Tuxedo  or 
Full  Dress,  patent  leather  if  possible. 

And  right  here  let  me  emphatically  invite  the 
attention  of  young  men  and  women,  yes,  I  will 
add  old  men,  women  and  children,  to  the  following 
well-known  quotation : 

"  When  in  Borne  do  as  the  Romans  do." 

Literally  translated  from  a  standpoint  of  cor- 


HOW  TO   DRESS  17 

rect  dress,  this  means,  ' '  dress  to  suit  the  function 
or  the  occasion. " 

If  invited  to  the  home  of  a  friend  or  an  acquaint- 
ance to  dinner,  for  a  social  evening,  or  for  a  recep- 
tion or  party,  try  to  ascertain,  tactfully,  how  the 
majority  of  the  crowd  will  be  arrayed.  This  can 
be  done  by  using  a  little  diplomacy.  It  is  not  at  all 
out  of  place  to  ask  your  host  or  hostess  how  he  or 
she  expects  to  dress  for  the  occasion ;  this  sort  of  a 
question  generally  pleases.  Then  dress  about  as 
you  expect  they  will.  It  is  just  as  bad  form  to 
appear  at  a  social  gathering  of  any  kind  in  fine 
raiment,  Full  Dress  if  a  man,  or  Decollette  if  a 
woman,  when  the  balance  of  the  assemblage  is  in 
plain  attire,  as  to  appear  at  a  wedding  in  a 
checked  suit  and  tan  shoes  when  every  one  else  is 
in  Full  Dress.  A  well-informed  host  or  hostess 
will  generally  indicate  iff  some  delicate  but  unmis- 
takable manner  whether  a  gathering  is  to  be  an 
extremely  fashionable  affair  or  simply  informal. 

And  now  to  approach  briefly  and  with  fear  and 
trembling  the  subject  of  proper  clothes  for  women. 
An  entire  encyclopedia  of  information  on  this  sub- 
ject could  be  compiled  and  would  doubtless  be 
perused  with  interest  by  members  of  the  fair  sex, 
but  the  subject  is  so  extensive  and  complicated 
that  the  author  will  only  touch  lightly  thereon, 
confining  his  advice  to  certain  points  that  are  un- 
changing and  invariable  through  changing  years 
and  seasons. 

A  woman  should,  so  far  as  possible,  dress  in  the 


18  HOW  TO   DRESS 

prevailing  style;  any  sixteen-year-old  school  girl 
can  glibly  tell  you  what  is  being  worn  and  whether 
such  and  such  a  hat  is  becoming  and  stylish  or  a 
horrible  creation. 

The  foregoing  statement  must  be  modified  to  the 
extent  that  no  woman  should  for  fashion's  sake 
choose  a  costume  that  is  entirely  unsuited  for 
her.  Just  as  certain  combinations  of  colors  are 
entirely  wrong  for  certain  people,  so  some  styles 
are  impossible  for  certain  faces  and  figures. 

If  a  woman's  resources  are  limited  and  her 
pocketbook  a  trifle  lean,  she  must  use  her  intuition 
and  initiative  to  prepare  for  herself  at  reasonable 
cost  costumes  as  stylish  and  becoming  as  possible 
upon  her  allowance.  It  is  here  that  the  woman 
who  makes  her  own  clothes  triumphs  over  her 
less  fortunate  sister  who  is  compelled  to  pay  the 
price  to  exorbitant  dressmakers  and  clothing 
establishments. 

Even  more  is  it  necessary  for  a  woman  to  be 
neatly  and  stylishly  shod  than  for  a  man.  Oh, 
what  a  sad  sight  to  see  a  charming  young  woman 
otherwise  well  dressed,  whose  entire  appearance 
is  practically  ruined  by  shoes  that  are  not  in  har- 
mony with  the  balance  of  her  costume,  run  down  at 
the  heel,  or  unpolished.  The  question  of  heels 
upon  "women's  shoes  has  been  a  source  of  consid- 
erable argument  since  the  time  of  the  late  lamented 
Louis  XV,  during  whose  reign  the  high  French 
heels  was  ushered  in ;  far  be  it  from  the  author  to 
attempt  to  dictate  on  this  point.  High  French 


HOW  TO   DRESS  19 

heels,  Cuban  heels,  Conservative  heels,  Low  heels, 
all  are  proper  in  their  place.  As  a  matter  concern- 
ing hygiene  and  comfort,  it  might  be  suggested 
that  conservative  heels  on  the  street  might  be 
worn  in  better  form,  and  the  more  extreme,  high 
heels  in  the  evening  at  dinners,  parties,  balls,  etc. 

The  same  advice  can  be  given  to  women  as  to 
men  relative  to  avoiding  colors  and  combinations 
of  colors  that  attract  attention  because  they  are 
strikingly  unusual. 

The  stenographer,  "clerk  or  business  woman 
never  looks  better  nor  is  in  better  form  than 
when  attired  in  shirt  waist,  dark  blue  or  black 
skirt,  black  shoes  and  stockings.  It  is  a  great 
mistake  for  a  girl  who  is  obliged  to  work  for  her 
living  to  overdress  at  the  office  or  store — it  is 
frequently  fatal  to  her  chances  for  advancement 
and  quite  apt  to  be  misconstrued  and  made  an 
excuse  for  insinuating  remark  and  malicious  argu- 
ments as  "  How  on  earth  can  she  dress  that  way 
on  her  salary?  " 

Above  all,  dress  modestly — any  style  that  de- 
mands too  much  license,  too  much  vacant  space 
at  the  top  or  bottom  of  a  gown,  should  not  be 
encouraged — something  at  least  should  be  left  to 
the  imagination.  With  these  few  remarks  the 
author  is  content  to  leave  the  question  in  the 
hands  of  wives,  mothers,  sisters  and  daughters, 
relying  upon  their  innate  and  delicate  sense  of 
what  is  the  proper  thing. 

The  lady  of  good  taste  and  judgment  will  select 


20  HOW  TO   DRESS 

with  unerring  judgment  styles  and  colors  that  are 
becoming  and  gowns  that  are  appropriate  for  the 
various  occasions  for  which  they  are  selected. 

It  is  a  well-known  fact  that  certain  colors  that 
add  to  the  charm  of  the  blonde  will  frequently 
destroy  the  entire  effect  of  a  costume  and  general 
appearance  of  a  brunette.  For  example,  blue  is  a 
most  trying  color  for  brunettes  and  should  be 
avoided.  Pink  and  yellow  are,  in  turn,  colors  that 
blondes  should  never  wear — it  takes  a  decided 
brunette  to  appear  well  in  yellow.  A  short,  stout 
person  should  select  clothes  that  will  not  magnify 
this  condition.  Black  is  always  appropriate,  like- 
wise dark  and  navy  blues  for  ladies  who  are  some- 
what heavy.  Stripes  running  the  length  of  a  dress 
will  have  the  effect  of  adding  to  a  woman 's  height. 

Bright  colors  may  be  chosen  at  all  times  by  the 
young  and  more  subdued  shades  by  the  middle- 
aged  and  old. 

Blondes  may  saifely  choose  dark  violet  shades, 
with  lilac  and  blue;  also  green  with  darker  or 
lighter  tints.  If  the  blonde  has  plenty  of  color  in 
her  cheeks,  she  should  select  lighter  shades.  All 
conservative  shades,  such  as  drab,  gray,  maroon, 
russet,  drab,  etc.,  look  well  when  worn  by  blondes, 

All  brunettes  look  well  in  black.  They  may 
choose  bright  colors  with  far  better  effect  than 
blondes.  Yellow  trimmed  with  black  always  pre- 
sents a  striking  and  becoming  appearance  in  the 
case  of  brunettes  and  bright  shades  of  red  and 
green  look  well,  but  care  should  be  taken  in  select- 


TIIKKE   LITTLE  MAIDS,   ILLUSTRATING   COBBECT  STYLES   FOE  THE 

STBEET. 


22  HOW  TO  DRESS 

ing  a  costume  not  to  have  these  colors  predominate 
to  an  extent  that  will  make  the  costume  too  strik- 
ing and  unusual  in  appearance. 

Loud  smelling  perfumes  and  colognes  should  be 
avoided;  choose  only  the  best  and  most  conserva- 
tive brands.  Perfume  should  be  only  a  delicate 
hint,  a  scarcely  perceptible  odor.  One  of  the  most 
objectionable  features  of  any  one's  toilet  is  the 
odor  of  cheap,  reeking  perfume. 

In  the  home,  a  lady  should  in  the  morning  wear 
a  loose,  flowing  dress  or  neglige.  On  the  street  a 
walking  costume  should  be  worn,  with  skirt  that 
clears  the  ground.  Styles  relative  to  the  proper 
length  of  the  skirt  change  so  rapidly  and  there  are 
such  a  variety  of  opinions  that  it  is  not  deemed  ad- 
visable to  dictate  on  this  all-important  topic. 

A  housewife  should  always  try  to  dress  for  the 
evening  meal,  or  if  this  is  impossible,  after  it  has 
been  served.  A  man's  interest  in  his  wife  is  main- 
tained by  seeing  her  look  charming  and  attractive. 
Nothing  tends  to  kill  a  man's  interest  in  his  wife 
and  home  more  rapidly  than  an  unkempt,  untidily 
dressed  woman.  No  matter  how  strenuous  her 
duties,  the  wife  and  mother  should  strive  to  appear 
neat  and  attractively  dressed  when  the  family  sit 
down  together  in  the  evening.  The  same  thing 
applies  to  the  man  and  to  all  members  of  the 
family. 

As  heretofore  stated,  for  balls,  operas,  theaters, 
etc.,  the  ladies'  dress  should  be  as  elaborate  as  her 
circumstances  permit,  always  bearing  in  mind  to 


HOW  TO   DRESS  23 

dress  according  to  the  party  or  company  one  ex- 
pects to  join. 

In  traveling,  a  lady  should  choose  colors  that 
will  not  show  dirt  and  dust;  tans  and  grays  are 
suitable — nothing  is  more  appropriate  nor  looks 
better  on  the  train  than  a  neat-fitting  gray  or  tan 
suit. 

Parents,  have  your  children  dress  as  well  as 
your  income  will  permit.  Nothing  teaches  a  child 
self-respect  and  confidence  more  than  good 
clothes.  Never  force  a  boy  to  wear  made-over 
and  ill-fitting  clothes  unless  absolutely  necessary. 
Nothing  is  more  trying  to  a  boy  than  to  be  accused 
by  his  playmates  of  wearing  father 's  clothes  cut 
down. 


CHAPTER  II 
CORRECT  TABLE  MANNERS 

Not  less  important  than  propriety  in  dress  is  a 
knowledge  of  what  is  and  is  not  permissible  at  the 
table.  It  is  a  remarkable  fact  that  many  well- 
bred  people  are  extremely  deficient  in  their  man- 
ners at  table.  This  is  usually  the  result  of  lack 
of  early  training  or  carelessness.  Nothing  will 
stamp  a  man  or  woman  so  quickly  as  "  ill-bred  r 
as  improper  behavior  when  eating.  To  eat  grace- 
fully is  an  art  that  few  of  us  ever  acquire — to 
commit  as  few  blunders  as  possible  and  to  avoid 
unpardonable  actions,  should  be  our  chief  ambition. 
There  is  but  one  safe  way  to  accomplish  the  de- 
sired result  and  that  is  to  be  just  as  careful  when 
dining  at  home  with  one's  family  as  at  a  dinner  or 
banquet.  It  is  extremely  difficult  to  overcome  in  a 
moment  habits  that  have  been  formed  through 
months  of  carelessness  at  home. 

One  should  sit  erect  at  the  table,  with  feet  near 
his  chair.  The  hands  should  be  in  one's  lap  or  on 
a  level  with  the  table.  It  is  extremely  bad  form 
to  bend  forward  over  our  plate  to  any  great  dis- 
tance, or  to  place  the  elbows  on  the  table.  A  man 
should  partially  unfold  his  napkin  and  place  it 
over  the  left  knee;  a  woman  unfolds  her  napkin 
slightly  more  and  places  it  in  her  lap,  over  her 
gloves  if  she  wears  them.  At  a  public  dinner  at 
the  close  of  the  meal,  the  napkin  is  left  beside  the 

24 


CORRECT  TABLE  MANNERS  25 

plate;  it  is  not  necessary  to  fold  it.  However, 
when  dining  with  friends  and  it  is  possible  that 
your  stay  may  be  continued  for  several  meals,  it 
is  a  good  plan  to  observe  the  host  and  hostess. 
If  they  fold  their  napkin  in  anticipation  of  using 
same  at  the  next  meal,  it  is  well  to  follow  suit 
and  imitate  their  example. 

It  is  scarcely  necessary  to  state  that  the  knife  is 
never,  under  any  circumstances,  to  be  used  to 
convey  food  to  one's  mouth.  The  old  days  of 
sword-swallowing  feats  are  over ;  the  knife  is  to  be 
used  for  cutting  alone.  When  cutting  meat,  the 
knife  is  held  firmly  in  the  right  hand,  the  thumb 
and  index  finger  slightly  down  on  to  the  blade ;  the 
fork  is  held  in  a  similar  manner  in  the  left  hand. 
The  fork  is  then  transferred  to  the  right  hand  and 
is  used  to  convey  the  food  to  the  mouth.  When  not 
in  use,  the  knife  and  fork  should  be  placed  on 
the  plate;  they  should  also  be  so  placed  at  the 
conclusion  of  the  meal.  The  fork  is  the  most  use- 
ful of  all  table  utensils  and  should  be  used  when- 
ever possible.  It  is  never  proper  to  use  a  spoon 
for  salads,  vegetables,  etc.  The  perfectly-set 
table  will  also  provide  forks  for  all  desserts,  even 
to  ice  creams  and  sherbets. 

Coffees  and  tea  will  be  served  in  cups,  accom- 
panied by  a  spoon.  The  spoon  is  used  in  ascer- 
taining whether  or  not  the  beverage  is  of  a  tem- 
perature which  permits  immediate  drinking  and 
whether  it  is  sufficietly  sweetened.  Thereafter 
one  should  drink  direct  from  the  cup.  Never 


CORRECT  TABLE  MANNERS  27 

leave  a  spoon  standing  in  a  cup;  it  is  not  only 
bad  form,  but  may  cause  a  most  embarrassing 
accident.  * 

It  is  desired  to  emphasize  the  fact  that  in  eating 
soup,  the  spoon  should  not  be  drawn  across  the 
plate  towards  the  diner,  but  away  from  him ;  soup 
as  well  as  all  beverages  should  be  passed  into  the 
mouth  from  the  side  and  not  from  the  tip  of  the 
spoon. 

Breakfast  foods,  berries,  custards,  grape  fruit, 
oranges,  etc.,  are  of  course  eaten  with  a  spoon; 
in  fact,  anything  served  with  milk  or  cream. 

A  bread-and-butter  plate  will  be  found  at  well- 
appointed  dinner  tables  at  the  left  of  the  diner. 
This  plate  will  contain  both  the  bread  and  the 
butter.  A  small  knife  will  be  found  beside  the 
plate ;  the  bread  is  broken  and  each  piece  buttered 
separately  as  broken. 

Pickles,  olives,  radishes,  grapes,  small  fruit, 
except  berries,  nuts,  etc.,  are  eaten  with  neither 
fork  nor  spoon — simply  use  the  fingers.  . 

Asparagus  is  a  real  proposition  to  eat  properly ; 
it  can  either  be  eaten  with  a  fork  or  may  be  taken 
in  the  fingers.  The  large  end  of  the  asparagus 
should  be  left  on  the  plate. 

Regarding  vegetables,  a  good  rule  to  follow  is 
"  When  in  doubt,  use  the  fork  ' — you  are  pretty 
apt  to  be  correct. 

Cake  will  probably  be  served  to  you  on  a  sepa- 
rate plate  and  may  be  eaten  with  a  fork;  if  no 


28  CORRECT  TABLE  MANNERS 

fork  is  provided,  you  have  no  other  alternative 
but  to  use  your  fingers. 

A  special  salad  fork  is  usually  provided  with  all 
salads;  if  not,  an  ordinary  dessert  fork  may  be 
used. 

When  arriving  at  the  table  one  should  watch 
his  hostess  for  the  signal  to  be  seated.  The  same 
signal  will  doubtless  be  given  by  host  or  hostess 
when  leaving.  It  is  not  necessary  to  push  your 
chair  back  against  the  table  as  you  leave.  You 
are  at  liberty  to  converse  with  the  guest  either  on 
your  right  or  left,  but  it  is  not  good  form  to  con- 
verse across  table  or  to  any  one  at  some  distance 
away,  except  in  exceptional  cases. 


CHAPTER  III 

WHEN  ON  THE  STREET 

One  should  be  guided  by  circumstances  to  a 
certain  extent  when  promenading  for  pleasure  or 
en  route  to  office  or  work;  your  judgment  and 
intuition  will  frequently  be  sufficient  to  meet  unex- 
pected emergencies.  However,  there  are  certain 
hard  and  fast  rules  which  must  be  followed  on  all 
occasions. 

All  gentlemen  when  meeting  a  lady  acquaintance 
should  give  her  a  courteous  salute,  consisting  of  a 
short  bow  accompanied  by  raising  the  hat  about 
one  foot  from  the  head.  In  tipping  the  hat,  if  a 
straw  or  stiff  hat,  it  should  be  grasped  lightly  by 
the  front  rim  at  the  right-hand  edge  and  raised 
above  the  head  slightly  to  the  right,  being  replaced 
immediately.  It  is  not  only  unnecessary  but  shows 
poor  judgment  to  keep  the  head  uncovered  for 
any  great  length  of  time;  it  is  also  a  menace  to 
health  in  cold  or  stormy  weather.  If  a  soft  hat 
of  the  Fedora  style  is  worn,  it  may  be  raised  by 
taking  hold  of"  it  at  the  top,  slightly  towards  the 
front. 

It  is  not  good  form  for  a  gentleman  to  stop  a 
lady  on  the  street  to  converse;  he  should  politely 
request  the  privilege  of  walking  by  her  side  in 
whatever  direction  she  may  be  going.  When 
leaving  her,  he  should  again  tip  his  hat.  A  lady 
has  the  privilege  of  requesting  a  gentleman  to 

29 


GEORGE  WONDERS  WHO  HARRY'S  CHARMING  COMPANION  MAY  BE. 
ILLUSTRATING  CORRECT  MANNERS  OF  SALUTING  ON  THE  STREET. 


WHEN  ON  THE  STREET  31 

stop  and  talk,  but  when  this  is  done  the  couple 
should  step  one  side  so  as  not  to  be  in  the  way  of 
others  passing. 

In  case  of  old  friends,  either  gentleman  or  lady 
may  speak  first  when  meeting  on  the  street  with 
perfect  propriety.  When  the  acquaintance  is 
slight,  or  of  a  somewhat  formal  character,  the  lady 
should  be  first  to  speak,  indicating  by  a  smile  or 
slight  inclination  of  the  head  her  willingness  to 
recognize  her  acquaintance  publicly.  The  man 
immediately  acknowledges  this  recognition  by 
bowing  and  raising  his  hat. 

A  gentleman  when  walking  with  a  lady  should 
invariably  bow  and  raise  his  <hat  when  meeting 
any  of  his  own  acquaintances,  or  any  one  else 
who  speaks  to  his  companion.  On  such  occasions 
he  salutes  any  gentleman  he  happens  to  meet  in 
the  same  manner  as  the  ladies,  invariably  both 
bowing  and  raising  the  hat.  This  is  extremely 
important  and  omission  of  same  shows  one's 
ignorance  of  a  very  common  courtesy. 

When  the  thoroughfare  is  crowded  and  it  be- 
comes necessary  to  push  through,  the  gentleman 
should  always  precede  the  lady  and  clear  the 
passage  for  his  companion.  On  most  other  occa- 
sions when  necessary  to  walk  in  single  file,  the 
gentleman  should  allow  the  lady  to  go  first. 

The  correct  position  for  a  gentleman  when 
promenading  with  a  lady  is  next  the  curb.  If  he 
is  walking  with  two  ladies,  it  is  generally  consid- 
ered better  to  occupy  the  same  position  next  the 


32  WHEN  ON  THE  STREET 

curb,  the  two  ladies  walking  side  by  side.  This 
latter  requirement  is  not  absolutely  imperative; 
however,  it  is  not  a  serious  breach  of  etiquette 
for  a  gentleman  to  walk  between  the  two  ladies, 
especially  if  either  or  both  of  them  request  it. 

A  gentleman  should  assist  a  lady  into  an  auto- 
mobile or  street  car  and  then  follow;  when  ready 
to  alight,  he  steps  out  first  and  extends  his  hand 
to  assist  her  to  the  ground. 

It  goes  without  saying  that  no  perfect  gentle- 
man will  remain  seated  in  a  public  conveyance  of 
any  kind  when  ladies  are  standing.  This  is  one 
of  the  first  rudiments  of  good  breeding.  A  young 
woman  or  child  should  always  offer  to  give  up  a 
seat  to  any  elderly  man  or  woman — this  is  not  only 
required  by  courtesy,  but  shows  thoughtfulness 
and  kindness. 


CHAPTER  IV 

CAEDS 

Cards  of  innumerable  styles  are  used  for  differ- 
ent business  engagements,  social  functions,  etc. 

The  most  common  is  the  so-called  "  visiting  M 
card.  A  good  quality  of  Bristol  board  should  be 
selected,  not  too  heavy,  but  sufficiently  so  to  retain 
its  shape  well. 

A  gentleman's  calling  card  is  considerably 
smaller  than  those  used  by  the  opposite  sex,  1% 
inches  by  2%  inches  is  a  good  size.  The  married 
woman  uses  a  size  somewhat  larger,  possibly 
2  by  3  inches,  while  the  debutante  and  unmar- 
ried woman  chooses  a  size  just  between  the  two, 
possibly  134  by  234  inches. 

These  cards  should  be  engraved  and  finished  in 
black  ink— any  other  color  for  plain  visiting  cards 
is  extremely  poor  style  Lettering  may  be  in  plain 
capital  letters,  Old  English  or  Eunning  Script. 
About  the  only  title  properly  appearing  on  a  visit- 
ing card  is  the  prefix  Mrs.,  Miss  or  Mr  The  ad- 
dress should  be  placed  in  the  lower  left-hand  cor- 
ner of  the  card,  for  example  : 

A  married  woman  is  supposed  to  invariably  give 
her  husband's  full  name  with  the  simple  prefix 
«'  Mrs."  On  no  account  is  it  permissible  for  her 
to  use  her  own  first  or  maiden  name. 

The  unmarried  woman's  card  is  engraved  Miss 
Gertrude  Pendleton.  Married  women  with  fami- 


33 


A  NATIONAL  CAPITAL  MATRON 


CARDS  35 


4Hr*.  ifflilliam  $epton 


345  3larkium  (Tuurt 


lies  sometimes  simply  use  their  last  names ;  this  is 
also  permissible  for  the  eldest  daughter;  for  in- 
stance, Mrs.  Ferguson  or  Miss  Ferguson.  This 
custom  is  gradually  going  out  of  existence,  and 
while  there  is  no  real  objection  to  it,  the  full  name 
is  preferable. 

Widows  are  given  considerably  more  license  in 
selecting  their  visiting  cards.     If  she  so  desires, 


A   CHARMING   WASHINGTON   HOSTESS. 


CARDS  37 

she  may  retain  her  husband's  name  after  his 
death,  or  may  use  her  own  Christian  name.  In 
this  way,  Mrs.  Henry  Wilson  Brown,  after  the 
death  of  her  husband,  may  retain  her  use  of  this 
name  or  may  change  same  to  read  Mrs.  Margaret 
Brown;  again,  supposing  her  name  to  have  been 
Margaret  Williamson  before  marriage,  she  may 
now  have  her  name  appear  on  her  calling  cards 
as  Mrs.  Margaret  Williamson  Brown,  or  even  Mrs. 
Williamson  Brown ;  any  of  these  titles  are  correct 
and  proper.  This  also  applies  to  divorced  women, 
although  it  is  to  be  strictly  understood  that  a 
divorcee  who  has  had  her  maiden  name  restored  is 
under  no  circumstances  to  use  the  prefix  "  Miss"; 
it  must  invariably  be  * '  Mrs. ' '  Thus,  Miss  Mayme 
Hunter  marries  Richard  Childs  and  becomes  Mrs. 
Richard  Childs.  She  is  granted  a  divorce,  to- 
gether with  permission  to  use  her  maiden  name. 


.  Jieberlp  JSapne 

iiapnc 


38 


CARDS 


She  does  not  now,  as  is  commonly  supposed,  be- 
come Miss  Mayme  Hunter  again,  but  Mrs.  Mayme 
Hunter. 

It  is  customary  and  quite  correct  for  young 
ladies  to  have  their  name  engraved  directly  below 
that  of  their  mother  on  the  same  card,  as 

The  above  is  the  proper  style  for  the  eldest 
daughter;  if  one  of  the  younger  members  of  the 
family,  the  young  lady's  Christian  name  should 
appear ;  for  example : 


JSapne 


4Hi**  Jfloreme 


The  two  foregoing  cards  are  used  only  when  the 
young  ladies  have  not  i '  come  out  ' '  or  made  their 
debut;  after  this  most  important  event  in  a  young 
girPs  life,  she  is,  of  course,  entitled  to  a  card 
case  of  her  own. 

There  are  several  correct  forms  for  gentlemen's 
calling  cards.  He  may  or  may  not,  at  his  own 
option,  use  the  prefix  i  l  Mr. ' '  Hence,  Mr.  William 


CARDS 


39 


Hardison  or  William  Hardison  would  either  be 
correct.  When  the  suffix  "  Jr."  is  used,  the  prefix 
"  Mr."  should  be  omitted,  as  Charles  Buchanan, 
Jr.  It  is  quite  proper,  in  fact,  desirable,  for  a 
gentleman  to  have  his  address  engraved  on  his 
calling  cards.  If  he  is  high  enough  up  in  the 
social  scale  to  have  a  club,  it  is  considered  smart 
to  have  the  club  address  take  the  place  of  his  resi- 
dence. Telephone  numbers  on  visiting  cards  are 
not  good  form. 

A  man  who  has  served  in  the  military  service  is 
entitled  to  use  his  title,  as 


CAPT.  ARTHUR  HOUSTON,  U.  S.  A. 


In  making  calls,  it  is  customary  for  a  married 
lady  to  leave  one  of  her  own  cards  and  two  of 
her  husband's.  The  explanation  of  this  is  that 
she  leaves  her  own  card  simply  for  the  lady  of 
the  house,  and  one  of  her  husband's  for  both  the 
lady  and  gentleman.  In  ultra  fashionable  society, 
when  emergency  prevents  a  personal  call  being 
made,  it  is  considered  quite  proper  for  cards  to 
be  mailed  to  the  person  upon  whom  one  desires 


40  CARDS 

A  professional  man  may  inscribe  himself  as 


JOHN  WILLIAMSON.  M.  D. 


to  call,  but  is  prevented  on  account  of  the  short- 
ness of  the  individual's  stay,  pressing  engage- 
ments, etc.  In  this  case,  cards  should  be  returned 
in  the  same  manner.  It  is  extremely  bad  form,  if 
not  an  actual  insult,  to  return  a  personal  call  by 
mailing  cards  in  return,  however. 

Plain  visiting  cards  should  be  enclosed  with 
gifts,  flowers,  etc.  It  is  quite  proper  and  courteous 
to  add  in  pencil  or  with  pen,  "Compliments  of," 
"With  best  wishes, "  "The  compliments  of  the 
Season,"  etc.,  etc. 

It  is  a  very  pretty  custom  to  send  out  birth 
cards  following  the  birth  of  a  child.  The  card 
selected  should  be  small,  not  larger  than  1  inch  by 
inches.  The  proper  engraving  would  be 


WILLIAM  WADSWORTH  EVANS 

4:30  P.  M. 
FEBRUARY  16 


CARDS  41 

This  card  should  be  placed  in  a  small  rather 
closely  fitting  envelope  and  then  re-enclosed  in 
another  larger  envolpe  and  addressed. 

A  gentleman  or  lady  in  mourning  is  at  liberty  to 
have  a  plain  black  band  around  the  edges  of  call- 
ing cards — care  should  be  exercised  not  to  make 
this  band  too  prominent — under  no  circumstances 
should  it  exceeed  %  inch  in  width. 

When  it  becomes  necessary  for  abrupt  de- 
parture and  it  is  impossible  to  make  personal  calls, 
P.  P.  C.  cards  should  be  sent  out  by  the  departing 
individuals.  P.  P.  C.  is  an  abbrevation  for  the 
French  mode  of  fare  well  "To  take  Leave." 
These  letters  should  be  written  in  capitals  in  the 
lower  left-hand  corner  of  visiting  cards  and  the 
cards  mailed  to  such  acquaintances  and  friends 
as  are  desired.  Upon  receipt  of  P.  P.  C.  cards 
they  should  be  promptly  acknowledge  by  courteous 
farewell  notes,  or  if  lack  of  time  prevents  writing 
such  notes, — cards  should  be  mailed.  Such  good 
wishes  as  "Bon  Voyage, "  "Good  Luck,"  etc.,  are 
properly  written  on  the  cards  before  mailing  in 
return. 

Upon  returning  from  an  extended  visit  or  from 
abroad,  cards  should  be  mailed  with  address,  also 
containing  days  at  home. 

When  cards  are  mailed,  they  should  be  placed 
in  a  small-sized  plain  envelope  and  this  envelope 
is  enclosed  in  aJarger  envelope  for  addressing* 

When  a  young  man  calls  upon  a  young  lady»the 


42  CARDS 

should  leave  not  only  a  card  for  her,  but  also  one 
for  her  mother  or  chaperon. 

In  making  business  calls,  it  is  customary  for  the 
caller  to  send  in  his  card  to  the  person  visited. 
Likewise,  a  gentleman  calling  socially,  should  send 
his  card  to  the  family  or  individual,  handing  same 
to  the  servant,  or  whoever  admits  him  to  the  house. 


CHAPTER  V 

INTRODUCING  ONE'S  ACQUAINTANCES 

Introductions  are  one  of  the  most  important 
essentials  of  good  society  and  it  is  well  to  care- 
fully read  the  following  chapter  as  there  is  no 
other  custom  so  greatly  abused  as  this  one.  To 
introduce  one's  friends  and  acquaintances  indis- 
criminately is  not  only  a  breach  of  eitquette,  but 
shows  a  lack  of  common  sense.  Before  introduc- 
ing any  one  it  is  well  to  consider  the  fact  that  by 
so  doing  you  place  yourself  indirectly  responsible 
for  this  person's  habits  and  morals,  and  more  in- 
directly, for  his  future  conduct — in  other  words, 
you  recommend  him  as  worthy  of  the  confidence 
and  esteem  of -the  party  to  whom  introduced.  It 
is  also  a  fact  that  some  introductions  are  exceed- 
ingly distasteful  to  one  or  the  other  party,  not 
infrequently  to  both.  Hence,  the  advisability  of 
consulting  both  parties,  if  possible,  before  the 
ceremony  of  introduction.  Grafters,  confidence 
men,  social  climbers  and  undesirables  of  both 
sexes  and  various  occupations  crave  introductions 
for  the  purpose  of  plying  their  nefarious  or 
scheming  trades,  or  for  purely  selfish  reasons.  An 
introduction  is  not  merely  the  announcing  of  the 
name  of  the  party  introduced,  but  a  recommenda- 
tion and  endorsement.  This  is  probably  more  true 
in  the  business  world  than  at  social  functions. 
Formal  acquaintances  are  made  at  banquets,  balls 

43 


ONE  OF   WASHINGTON'S   POPULAR   SOCIAL   LEADERS. 


INTRODUCING  ONE'S  ACQUAINTANCES        45 

and  other  public  social  gatherings  which  are  really 
not  seriously  considered  by  either  party.  A  lady 
who  is  introduced  to  a  gentleman  at  a  ball,  for 
example,  has  the  right  to  refuse  to  recognize  "him 
when  they. next  meet.  No  gentleman  should  pre- 
sume upon  such  formal  introduction  to  force  his 
attentions  upon  a  lady  who  plainly  shows  that 
she  does  not  desire  it. 

It  is  regrettable  that  a  lack  of  tact  on  the  part  of 
a  hostess  frequently  causes  embarrassing  situa- 
tions. For  instance,  she  will  introduce  a  gentle- 
man to  one  of  the  ladies  present  and  then  leave 
them.  The  intent  and  purpose  of  this  introduction 
is  to  secure  partners  for  her  guests.  Some  men 
are  so  grossly  ignorant  of  what  is  right  and 
proper  that  they  will  utter  a  few  inane  remarks 
upon  such  occasion  and  walk  away,  leaving  the 
lady  standing  and  in  a  most  trying  and  annoying 
position.  He  does  not  care  to  dance,  at  any  rate, 
not  with  her,  and  is  not  gentlemanly  enough  to  go 
through  with  it  as  he  should,  regardless  of  his 
personal  desires;  he  can  at  least  remain  and  con- 
verse during  the  dance.  Frequently  the  ladies 
are  just  as  selfish;  they  will  blandly  say  "  Thank 
you,  but  I  am  not  dancing  this  evening, ' '  then  turn 
and  engage  some  one  else  in  conversation,  leaving 
the  poor  young  man,  flushing  and  ill  at  ease,  in 
doubt  as  to  what  to  do  next.  Both  of  these  young 
people  are  guilty  of  discourtesy  and  could  quite 
consistently  be  accused  of  being  "  ill-bred, "  but 
the  initial  fault  lies  with  the  hostess.  All  ladies 


46        INTRODUCING  ONE'S  ACQUAINTANCES 

who  are  entertaining  should  carefully  ascertain 
whether  or  not  both  parties  are  willing  to  meet 
and  dance  before  bringing  about  a  situation  of  this 
kind.  This  can  be  done  with  diplomacy,  by 
creating  the  impression  to  both  parties  that  she  is 
conferring  a  favor.  As,  for  instance:  "  Mr.  Car- 
son, I  have  a  charming  girl  I  am  anxious  to  have 
you  meet,"  and,  "  Miss  Davis,  have  you  met  the 
interesting  Mr.  Carson?" 

There  are  a  great  many  perfectly  proper  modes 
of  introducing ;  for  example : 

In  introducing  a  gentleman  to  a  lady — 

"  Miss  Armstrong,  may  I  present  Mr.  Duvall?" 
or  "  I  believe  you  have  never  met  Mr.  Duvall." 
If  for  certain  reasons  you  desire  to  have  the  intro- 
duction make  a  strong  impression,  you  may  say 
1 '  Miss  Armstrong,  I  should  like  to  present  my 
very  good  friend,  Mr.  Duvall." 

In  introducing  two  ladies,  the  younger  should 
invariably  be  presented  to  the  elder.  When  in 
doubt  as  to  age,  it  is  tactful  to  make  some  remark, 
such  as  "  I  think  you  two  ladies  should  know  each 
other." 

A  wife  in  introducing  her  husband  should  say, 
"  This  is  my  husband,  Mr.  Smith  ";  if  a  military 
or  professional  man,  she  should  invariably  give 
him  his  correct  title^  as  "  Captain  Smith,"  "  Pro- 
fessor Smith,"  etc. 

In  introducing  a  celebrity,  it  is  perfectly  proper 
to  say  ' '  Miss  Holmes,  allow  me  to  present  Colonel 
Hopkins,  who  is  just  back  from  France,"  or, 


INTRODUCING  ONE'S  ACQUAINTANCES      .  47 

11  This  is  Mr.  Wright,  the  famous  architect,  whose 
plans  for  the  new  Commercial  Club  have  just 
been  accepted/' 

A  gentleman  upon  being  introduced  to  a  lady 
should  never  offer  his  hand.  This  is  the  lady's 
prerogative,  and  she  may  or  may  not  do  so,  just  as 
she  sees  fit.  As  a  general  rule,  the  lady  simply 
gives  a  slight  inclination  of  the  head,  which  the 
gentleman  acknowledges  by  a  formal  bow.  Imme- 
diately following  the  introduction,  the  gentleman 
should  take  the  initiative  and  declare  his  pleasure 
at  the  opportunity  of  meeting:  the  lady  in  proper 
terms.  It  is  well  not  to  be  too  demonstrative, 
otherwise  the  lady  may  rightfully  think  you  a  little 
too  forward.  "  Delighted  to  make  your  acquaint- 
ance "  or  "  I  am  pleased  to  meet  you,"  would  do 
as  a  starter.  The  lady  never  is  expected  to  tell 
the  gentleman  what  a  pleasure  it  is  for  her  to 
make  his  acquaintance,  except  in  certain  cases, 
introduction  of  some  celebrity,  or  in  case  both 
parties  have  been  mutually  looking  forward  to 
the  introduction.  The  lady  should  acknowledge 
his  courteous  preliminary  remarks  with  a  smile,  or 
some  conservative  remark.  The  gentleman,  in  the 
event  the  conversation  is  to  be  continued,  should 
then  make  some  appropriate  remark  upon  some 
safe  subject  with  a  view  towards  removing  the 
strained  feeling  that  usually  follows  formal 
introductions. 

Frequently,  in  spite  of  the  hints  against  indis- 
criminate introductions,  some  one  will  be  careless 


48        INTRODUCING  ONE'S  ACQUAINTANCES 

enough  to  introduce  two  persons  who  may  be  par- 
ticularly anxious  to  avoid  meeting.  It  is  not  an 
uncommon  thing,  particularly  at  public  gatherings, 
for  two  avowed  enemies,  who  are  entirely  hostile, 
to  be  unfortunate  enough  to  meet  by  formal  intro- 
duction. In  such  event,  both  will  smile  and  bow 
as  if  delighted,  no  matter  if  at  heart  they  are 
longing  to  be  at  one  another's  throats.  The  art  of 
self-control  and  poise  under  most  trying  and  an- 
noying conditions  is  one  of  the  greatest  proofs  of 
good  breeding. 

At  social  gatherings,  a  gentleman  should  inva- 
riably rise  when  introduced  either  to  another  gen- 
tleman or  to  a  lady.  There  is  no  necessity  for  the 
lady  to  rise  for  presentation,  if  already  seated. 

Introductions  on  the  street  should  be  avoided 
when  possible,  but  when  a  necessity,  a  bow  and 
smile  is  all  that  is  necessary ;  unless  some  particu- 
larly good  reason  exists,  the  parties  will  then 
immediately  continue  on  their  way. 

There  is  no  excuse  that  can  possibly  be  given  by 
any  gentleman  for  failing  to  return  a  lady's  salu- 
tation ;  if  he  does  so,  he  is  a  boor  and  unworthy  of 
social  recognition  from  any  one.  If,  for  any  good 
reason,  he  desires  not  to  recognize  the  lady,  he 
should  avoid  every  possibility  of  meeting  her  face 
to  face,  going  out  of  his  way  to  accomplish  this, 
if  necessary. 

A  lady  who  gives  a  direct  cut  to  a  gentleman 
whom  she  has  met,  without  some  plausible  and 
reasonable  excuse,  is  equally  as  reprehensible 


INTRODUCING  ONE'S  ACQUAINTANCES        19 

A  lady  has  the  privilege  of  refusing  to  meet  a 
gentleman,  but  if  she  should  desire  to  present  two 
gentlemen  acquaintances  one  to  the  other,  they 
should  amiably  consent  to  such  introduction,  even 
though  undesired.  However,  the  remarks  hereto- 
fore given  on  this  subject  relative  to  not  making 
introductions  unless  fairly  certain  they  will  not 
be  disagreeable,  should  apply  in  this  instance  as 
well. 

If  some  well-meaning  but  misinformed  indi- 
vidual should  suddenly  introduce  a  gentleman  to 
a  lady,  even  though  the  lady  particularly  desires 
not  to  meet  him,  she  should  invariably  acknowl- 
edge the  introduction  courteously  and  converse 
pleasantly  during  the  interview ;  she  has  the  privi- 
lege to  forget  this  introduction  and  fail  to  recog- 
nize the  gentleman  in  the  future,  but  should  avoid 
meeting  him  under  these  circumstances,  if 
possible. 


CHAPTER  VI 

CONVEESATION 

And  now  we  come  to  one  of  the  most  important 
qualifications  for  success  socially  or  in  the  busi- 
ness world. 

To  be  a  good  conversationalist  is  to  be  a  shining 
light  and  a  desirable  addition  to  any  social  gather- 
ing. It  not  only  requires  command  of  the  English 
language,  a  good  vocabulary  and  general  informa- 
tion on  many  subjects,  but  again  that  quality  so 
essential  in  social  life,  and,  alas,  so  seldom  pos- 
sessed, "  tact."  One  must  know  when  to  talk  and 
when  to  listen — must  realize  intuitively  when  the 
conversation  is  holding  the  interest  of  the  assem- 
blage or  boring  them  to. distraction. 

We  have  heretofore  mentioned  that  one  may 
gain  the  reputation  of  being  intelligent  by  simply 
becoming  a  good  "  listener." 

Celebrities  and  other  notables  generally  have 
hobbies.  A  genius  is  almost  invariably  selfish  and 
desires  to  force  the  conversation  along  certain 
lines  regardless  of  the  wishes  of  others.  A  young 
man  or  young  woman,  although  greatly  bored  by 
the  trend  of  such  conversation,  should  pay  com- 
plete and  deferent  attention  to  same.  If  there  is 
a  more  dry  topic  of  conversation  than  higher 
mathematics,  the  author  does  not  at  the  moment 
recall  it.  A  member  of  the  Faculty  of  one  of  our 
leading  universities,  whose  particular  line  and 

50 


CONVERSATION  51 

hobby  was  Advanced  Calculus  and  other  branches 
of  mathematics  sat  next  to  a  young  man  at  an 
alumni  banquet  one  night  several  years  ago.  This 
particular  young  man  loathed  mathematics ;  he  ab- 
hored  geometry,  trigonometry,  and  had  barely 
managed  to  slip  through  his  final  examinations  on 
account  of  his  woeful  lack  of  knowledge  of  the 
rudiments  of  even  the  lower  branches  of  mathe- 
matics. The  learned  professor  seized  this  young 
man  as  his  lawful  prey,  fairly  swamped  him  with 
dissertations,  concrete  problems  and  obtuse  calcu- 
lations. Our  young  friend,  realizing  his  complete 
ignorance  of  the  topics  and  conversation,  and 
hating  it  all  with  a  deep  and  bitter  hatred,  in- 
wardly cursing  the  fate  that  had  thrust  him  next 
to  this  human  calculating  machine,  yet  at  all  times 
preserved  an  attitude  of  polite  and  complete  at- 
tention, occasionally  asking  a  safe  and  sane  ques- 
tion, but  never  betraying  by  the  flicker  of  an  eye- 
lash that  he  was  boiling  and  seething  inwardly. 
After  the  banquet  the  expert  mathematician  re- 
marked to  a  leading  financial  magnate  who  hap- 
pened to  be  present  that  he  had  never  before  met 
a  young  man  whose  general  knowledge  of  mathe- 
matics was  so  sound  and  whose  ideas  were  so  ex- 
cellent. The  financial  magnate  in  questions,  always 
on  the  lookout  for  good  material,  began  to  notice 
the  young  man,  engaged  him  in  conversation, 
found  him  really  well  informed  on  general  subjects 
and  offered  him  a  good  position.  This  young 
man  is  now  in  position  to  be  a  power  in  the  busi- 
ness world  sooner  or  later.  He  owes  it  entirely  to 


CONVERSATION  53 

his  ability  to  control  his  feelings,  to  extend  polite 
and  courteous  attention  to  the  conversation  of 
some  one  whom  he  realized  as  his  superior.  This 
is,  of  course,  an  exceptional  case,  but  serves  to 
illustrate  the  fact  that  "listening"  as  well  as 
' '  conversing  ' '  is  one  of  the  valuable  and  essential 
ways  of  showing  that  one  is  well  bred. 

The  really  good  conversationalist  will  never  mo- 
nopolize the  conversation,  he  will  never  bore  his 
listeners.  All  hostesses  realize  what  a  feature  at 
a  dinner  or  any  other  social  gathering  he  is ;  he  is 
in  demand,  his  engagement  book  is  always  full; 
he  can  dine  away  from  home  every  evening  if  he 
so  desires.  He  carefully  chooses  his  topics  to  suit 
the  tastes  of  his  audience,  never  talking  over  their 
heads  nor  descending  to  coarse  anecdotes. 

"We  cannot  all  of  us  be  good  conversationalists. 
However,  we  can  certainly  all  be  good  listeners — 
it  is  the  greatest  compliment  one  can  pay  another 
to  give  respectful,  deferential  attention  to  his  con- 
versation. This  is  not  to  be  misconstrued  as  indi- 
cating that  we  shall,  most  of  us,  become  inane, 
with  no  ideas  of  our  own  or  ability  to  express 
them;  rather  it  is  a  warning  not  to  force  one's 
ideas  upon  an  individual  or  company  unless  we  are 
fairly  certain  that  our  expressions  are  not  mo- 
notonous and  uninteresting  to  them.  Talk  fre- 
quently, but  not  for  any  great  length  of  time. 

Ability  to  use  what  is  commonly  known  as 
"  small  talk  "  is  quite  essential  if  we  are  to  suc- 
ceed socially.  No  matter  how  profound  our  ideas 
and  how  unlimited  our  knowledge  of  weighty 


54  •       CONVERSATION 

topics,  we  will  be  at  sea  at  the  average  social 
function  unless  familiar  to  a  certain  extent  with 
the  art  of  talking  for  a  time  upon  nothing  in 
particular. 

Above  all,  never  lose  your  temper  in  public 
The  discussion  of  certain  topics,  religion  or  poli- 
tics, for  example,  frequently  leads  to  heated  dis- 
cussion, .not  infrequently  followed  by  the  princi- 
pals in  the  debate  completely  losing  their  self- 
control  and  resorting  to  abusive  if  slightly  veiled 
insinuations.  In  such  instance,  the  man  who  keeps 
himself  in  hand,  smiles,  refuses  to  take  offense  no 
matter  how  bitter  his  adversary's  remarks  may  be, 
invariably  appears  as  the  courteous,  polished  man 
of  the  world,  while  he  who  stoops  to  abuse  and 
hurls  undignified  and  uncalled  for  epithets  and 
phrases  loses  the  respect  of  the  entire  company. 
It  matters  not  whether  or  not  he  is  in  the  right. 
His  actions  will  place  him  in  the  wrong. 

In  the  same  manner,  wit  and  humor  are  the 
life  of  any  gathering.  The  man  or  woman  who 
has  a  ready  and  witty  answer  for  all  attempts  to 
turn  the  laugh  their  way  quickly  gains  the  reputa- 
tion of  having  a  keen  sense  of  humor.  However, 
the  man  who  is  witty  at  the  expense  of  some  one 
else  is  a  cad.  A  woman  who  makes  sharp  and 
cutting  remarks  gains  the  reputation,  and  quite 
correctly,  of  being  a  "  cat."  It  is  downright 
cruelty  and  will  sooner  or  later  come  back  with 
full  force  upon  any  one  who  gains  a  laugh  by 
some  remark  that  brings  a  flush  to  the  cheek  or 
tears  to  the  eyes  of  some  one  else. 


CHAPTER  VII 

WEDDINGS 

Wedding  invitations  should  be  engraved,  pref- 
erably in  fine  script,  although  other  styles  are  now 
frequently  being  used  with  perfect  propriety. 
The  decidedly  best  form  for  a  wedding  invitation 
is  on  note-sized  paper ;  about  4^  by  7  inches  is  the 
popular  size,  although  any  reputable  stationery 
dealer's  advice  may  be  safely  followed  relative  to 
this  matter;  styles  change,  so  it  is  thought  best 
not  to  be  too  explicit  along  this  line ;  consult  your 
most  reliable  engraver  or  stationer  as  to  size  and 
style  of  paper,  envelopes,  etc. 

These  invitations  should  be  placed  in  an  envel- 
ope and  the  name  of  the  person  for  whom  intended 
written  thereon;  this  envelope  should  be  re- 
enclosed  in  another  large  envelope  for  the  com- 
plete address. 

The  following  is  a  perfectly  proper  form: 

Church  weddings  are  usually  followed  by  a  re- 
ception at  the  home  of  the  bride,  or  under  the 
supervision  of  the  bride's  parents  or  guardian; 
it  may  be  given  at  a  hotel  or  some  other  public 
place,  if  preferred.  A  great  many  invitations 
are  sent  out  to  formal  acquaintances  for  the 
church  ceremony,  but  personal  friends  only,  as  a 
general  rule,  are  invited  to  the  reception.  Cards 
for  the  reception  are  engraved,  size  about  3^  by 
inches,  as  follows : 

55 


56  WEDDINGS 


Mr.  anil  Mrs.  William 

V ^—s 


nt  ike  mnmne  0f  ikerr 


*  JVsltimt 

tt»  l^ebucsiiRg,  ^ram&rg  fctttii 

at  ttm«  ^'rltxtk,  p.  m. 
Church  xjf  ike 


WEDDINGS  57 

It  is  customary  to  send  out  wedding  invitations 
about  fifteen  days  in  advance  of  the  ceremony, 
even  earlier  where  friends  are  located  at  some 
distance. 

The  invitation  for  the  reception  should  be  en- 
closed in  the  same  envelope  with  the  invitation  to 
the  church  ceremony. 

The  home  wedding  is  usually  a  quiet  affair. 
The  invitations  should  be  exactly  the  same  as  for 


if xirit 

lite  plrrtsnre  *rf  gtutr  cxxmpajrg 
at  tkt  toe&txttx;  rrcrpiiiui  xxf  t Jjrir  itanjlit 

nnb 

cfccjtiitg 
f rum  te« 


58  WEDDINGS 

the  church  ceremony,  inserting  street  and  number 
on  same  instead  of  the  church.  The  reception  card 
is,  of  course,  not  used  for  home  weddings,  for  as  a 
general  rule,  intimate  and  personal  friends  only 
are  invited  to  home  weddings. 

Where  a  wedding  ceremony  has  been  performed 
privately  for  some  reason,  the  event  should  be  im- 
mediately published  in  the  local  newspapers  and 
announcements  sent  out  as  follows : 


Jlr.  attii  Jt  jrg.  Btilism 

Ikz  maoism*  nf  ifeeir 


** 

t. 


tenth 


WEDDINGS  59 

ceived  "  may  be  engraved  in  the  lower  left-hand 

If  so  desired,  the  words  "  No  presents  re- 
corner  of  the  invitation. 

All  expenses  for  the  invitations,  breakfast,  re- 
ceptions, etc.,  should  be  borne  by  the  parents  or 
guardian  of  the  bride.  Until  after  the  ceremony 
she  has  no  claim  whatsoever  on  the  groom's  purse 
and  it  is  exceedingly  bad  form  for  him  to  share 
in  the  expense. 

It  is  the  bride's  prerogative  to  name  the  wed- 
ding day.  However,  in  this  she  is  usually  guided 
by  advice  from  her  mother,  and  after  consultation 
with  the  groom. 

Wedding  presents  should  be  publicly  displayed 
for  the  inspection  of  the  guests  after  the  cere- 
mony at  the  home  of  the  bride.  Each  present 
should  be  accompanied  by  a  card  with  the  name  of 
the  giver.  Presents  are  invariably  addressed  to 
the  bride.  She  must  acknowledge  each  gift,  after 
the  ceremony,  with  some  courteous  note  of  ac- 
knowledgment, even  though  the  giver  may  be  a 
friend  of  the  groom's  and  entirely  unknown  to 
her. 

At  a  church  wedding,  ushers  play  quite  an  im- 
portant part  in  the  ceremony.  In  the  evening  they 
should  be  dressed  in  Full  Dress,  with  white  kid 
gloves.  Their  duties  are  to  escort  the  guests  to 
their  seats,  to  see  that  relatives  and  intimates  are 
properly  placech*  The  usher  should  offer  his  right 
arm  to  the  lady  when  escorting  them  down  the 


60  WEDDINGS 

aisle;  if  a  gentleman  is  with  the  lady,  he  should 
follow  a  few  steps  behind. 

The  head  usher  makes  sure  that  all  necessary 
arrangements  have  been  made,  watches  for  the 
wedding  party,  gives  the  final  signal  to  the 
organist,  etc. 

The  best  man  is  chosen  by  the  groom  and  is 
usually  his  best  friend.  He  accompanies  him  to 
the  church  or  residence  of  the  bride,  stands  by 
him  while  he  awaits  the  bride's  approach,  then 
steps  directly  back  of  him,  holding  his  hat  during 
the  ceremony  and  presenting  it  to  him  afterwards. 
It  is  he  who  attends  to  all  small  details,  paying  the 
wedding  fee,  the  organist,  dispensing  tips,  etc.; 
in  fact,  his  name  is  indicative  of  just  what  his 
duties  are — he  is  the  best  man  in  every  sense  of 
the  word.  If  any  papers  are  to  be  signed,  it  is  he 
who  signs  as  witness.  After  the  ceremony  he  im- 
mediately leaves  and  proceeds  to  the  bride's  resi- 
dence, or  place  of  reception,  and  assists  the  ushers 
in  making  all  arrangements  for  proper  presenta- 
tion of  guests  to  the  newlyweds.  He  also  makes 
all  necessary  arrangements  for  the  departure  of 
the  bride  and  groom,  buying  their  railroad  tickets, 
arranging  for  transportation  to  the  station,  etc. 

The  bride  selects  her  own  bridesmaids ;  they  vary 
in  number  from  one  to  twelve,  as  desired.  They 
are  made  up  of  friends  of  the  bride  or  her  family, 
and  should  be,  when  possible,  younger  than  the 
bride  herself. 

A  conference  between  bridesmaids,  the  bride  and 


WEDDINGS  61 

the  bride's  mother  is  extremely  necessary.  Care 
should  be  taken  in  the  selection  of  their  costume 
for  the  occasion  to  avoid  harsh  and  violent  con- 
trasts in  colors,  styles,  etc. 

If  the  wedding  is  at  a  church,  the  groom  arrives 
first,  and  with  him  comes  his  best  man.  They  re- 
main unobtrusively  out  of  sight,  in  the  church  par- 
lor or  waiting  room.  The  relatives  come  next,  the 
bridesmaids  and  the  mother  of  the  bride.  The 
bride  comes  in  a  carriage  with  her  father  or 
guardian. 

The  Ceremony 

First  come  the  ushers,  walking  by  twos  up  the 
aisle;  if  children  have  been  secured  with  baskets 
of  flowers,  or  as  bridesmaids,  they  follow  the 
ushers;  then  come  the  bridesmaids,  immediately 
followed  by  the  bride  on  the  arm  of  her  father  or 
guardian,  or  whoever  is  to  give  her  away. 

The  groom,  having  in  the  meantime  come  from 
the  waiting  room,  accompanied  by  the  best  man, 
should  be  waiting  the  bride  at  the  altar  steps. 
The  ushers  and  bridesmaids  separate,  passing  to 
the  right  and  left,  evenly  divided,  making  room  for 
the  bridal  couple. 

At  that  point  of  the  service  where  the  clergyman 
asks  the  question,  "  Who  giveth  this  woman  to  be 
married  to  this  man?"  the  father  or  guardian  or 
relative  should  step  forward,  then  leave  the  wed- 
ding company  and  seat  himself  with  the  bride's 
mother. 


WEDDINGS    N  63 

The  first  bridesmaid  takes  the  bride's  bouquet, 
assists  in  removing  her  glove,  etc.  The  best  man 
should  have  the  ring  in  readiness  to  hand  to  the 
clergyman. 

Prior  to  the  ceremony,  while  the  guests  are 
assembling,  the  organist  or  pianist  will  play  ap- 
propriatejnusjc.  Immediately  upon  being  notified 
that  the  bridal  party  have  arrived  and  are  ready 
for  the  grand  march  to  the  altar,  he  will  play  the 
wedding  march  until  they  have  reached  the  altar. 
During  the  ceremony,  it  is  entirely  proper  and 
somewhat  impressive  to  have  soft  music  played, 
not  sufficiently  loud  to  drown  out  the  voice  of  the 
clergyman  or  the  responses  of  the  bride  and 
groom.  Immediately  after  the  ceremony,  the  mu- 
sician in  charge  should  once  more  commence  the 
wedding  march,  swelling  louder  and  louder  as  the 
party  pass  out  of  the  church. 

Eefreshments  are  served  at  the  reception,  vary- 
ing at  the  desire  of  the  parties  concerned,  from  a 
light  buffet  lunch  to  a  course  dinner. 

The  bride's  wedding  dress  is  left  to  the  taste 
and  is  decided  by  the  purse  of  the  individual  who 
pays  for  it.  It  may  be  elaborate  or  plain ;  the  use 
of  white  is  urged,  however.  It  seems  indeed  a  pity 
to  depart  in  any  way  from  this  custom.  She 
should  avoid  the  use  of  jewelry  and  her  bouquet 
should  be  of  orange  blossoms;  where  imprac- 
ticable to  obtain  them,  however,  white  lilacs,  lilies 
of  the  valley,  etc.,  may  be  carried.  White  shoes, 
white  silk  stockings  and  white  kid  gloves  are  the 


64  WEDDINGS 

accessories  to  accompany  the  bride's  toilet.  The 
veil,  if  worn,  should  be  of  tulle  or  something 
similar. 

A  sensible  custom  is  for  the  bride,  when  leaving 
immediately  upon  a  honeymoon  trip  after  a  very 
quiet  wedding,  to  wear  a  simple  traveling  costume. 
It  is  then  perfectly  proper  for  the  groom  to  wear  a 
plain  business  suit. 

Upon  the  occasion  of  a  second  marriage,  either 
of  a  widow  or  divorcee,  the  use  of  a  white  gown 
or  orange  blossoms  is  prohibited.  Her  wedding 
should  be  as  quiet  and  unobtrusive  as  possible. 
She  may  have  as  elaborate  a  wedding  gown  as 
desired,  but  must  avoid  plain  white. 

If  the  wedding  occurs  in  the  morning  hours,  the 
bridegroom  and  best  man,  ushers,  and  guests 
should  wear  black  cutaway  or  frock  coats.  At 
the  present  time,  dark  trousers  are  considered 
preferable,  although  with  a  frock  coat  it  is  per- 
fectly good  taste  to  wear  light  colors,  preferably 
gray.  Light  colored  gloves  should  be  worn,  black 
or  patent  leather  shoes,  and  black  ties. 

If  the  wedding  occurs  after  six  o  'clock  in  the 
afternoon,  all  parties  should  wear  regulation  Full 
Dress,  with  white  kid  gloves.  Silk  hats  or  stiff 
hats  should  be  worn  to  complete  the  costume;  a 
silk  hat  is  the  proper  head  covering  to  accompany 
Full  Dress ;  the  stiff  hat  may  be  worn  in  the  morn- 
ing with  cutaway  or  frock  coat,  if  desired. 

A  very  pretty  custom  is  the  observance  and 


WEDDINGS  65 

celebration  of  wedding  anniversaries.    The  follow- 
ing are  the  anniversaries  in  their  regular  order: 

V 

First  Year Cotton 

Second  Year Paper 

Third  Year Leather 

Fifth  Year Wooden 

Seventh  Year Woolen 

Tenth  Year Tin 

Twelfth  YTear Silk 

Fifteenth  Year Crystal 

Twentieth  Year China 

Twenty-fifth  Year.  . .  .Silver 

Fiftieth  Year Gold 

Seventy-fifth  Year . .  .  .Diamond 

Invitations  are  properly  sent  out  as  follows : 

1914  1919 

Fifth  Anniversary 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  Charles  H.  Irvin 

At  Home 
Friday  Evening,  March  22,  1919 

At  8:30  o'Clock 
1718  Logan  Place. 

This  invitation  is  very  effective  if  printed  on  a 
very  thin  sheet  of  wood  or  imitaton  thereof. 

The  invitation  to  the  tin  wedding  may  be  printed 
on  a  sheet  of  tin  foil;  invitations  to  silver  anni- 


66  WEDDINGS 

versaries  should  be  engraved  on  an  elegant  white 
card  in  silver  letters  and  the  same  card  with  gold 
letters  for  the  golden  wedding.  If  any  couple  is 
so  fortunate  as  to  celebrate  their  diamond  wed- 
ding, the  invitations  should  be  most  elaborate,  with 
clear  lettering  engraved  on  the  very  heaviest  and 
finest  paper  obtainable. 

The  invitation  cards  in  all  cases  should  be,  as 
in  the  case  of  wedding  invitations,  enclosed  in  an 
envelope  and  then  re-enclosed  in  a  larger  one  for 
address. 

The  observance  of  these  anniversaries  is  urged 
upon  all  married  couples,  particularly  those  that 
have  reached  their  silver  wedding;  nothing  tends 
to  restore  honeymoon  conditions  and  promote  and 
retain  the  feelings  of  affection  to  a  greater  extent 
than  remembering  and  celebrating  these  mile- 
stones on  the  matrimonial  path  of  life.  What  is 
more  beautiful  than  to  see  a  couple  after  fifty 
years  of  married  life  standing  up  together,  after 
having  safely  withstood  the  cares  and  trials  that 
beset  every  one  in  this  world,  the  lovelight  some- 
what dimmed  but  still  beaming  from  their  eyes, 
surrounded  by  their  children,  grand-children  and 
oftentimes  great-grandchildren;  truly  they  are 
indeed  blessed, 


CHAPTER  VIII 

THE  ETIQUETTE  OF  CALLING 

The  time  for  making  formal  calls  varies ;  in  this 
country  the  usual  hours  are  from  four  until  about 
five-forty-five.  A  great  many  people  dine  at  six; 
it  is  well  to  bear  this  in  mind  and  not  remain  until 
your  call  interferes  with  the  serving  of  the  even- 
ing meal. 

Courtesy  demands  that  residents  of  any  section 
should  call  upon  newcomers.  It  is  useless  in  a 
country  where  there  is  class  distinction  to  attempt 
to  dictate  to  the  community  in  general  as  to  just 
when  they  should  properly  call  upon  strangers 
who  have  decided  to  make  their  abode  in  the  imme- 
diate neighborhood.  This  is  a  custom  that  is 
greatly  abused.  Frequently  well-bred,  respect- 
able, interesting  people  moving  into  a  new  com- 
munity are  made  the  victims  of  ostracism  through 
the  discourtesy  and  snobbishness  of  their  new 
neighbors.  Common  courtesy  demands  that  we 
call  upon  respectable  people  who  have  moved  into 
our  neighborhood.  It  is  their  duty  then  to  return 
the  call.  After  that,  having  faithfully  done  our 
duty  in  making  the  preliminary  call,  it  is  optional 
as  to  whether  or  not  we  care  to  continue  the 
acquaintance  and  become  more  intimate. 

In  making  formal  calls,  the  lady  does  not  re- 
move her  gloves,  hat  or  veil.  A  gentleman  may 
carry  his  hat  into  the  room ;  if  wearing  gloves,  the 

67 


A  POPULAR  WASHINGTON  DEBUTANTE. 


THE  ETIQUETTE  OF  CALLING  69 

right  should  be  removed  and  held  in  the  left 
gloved  hand  during  the  call. 

Fashionable  ladies  have  an  "  At  Home  "  day, 
and  as  a  general  rule,  it  is  well  to  arrange  to  pay 
formal  calls  on  this  day. 

About  fifteen  minutes  is  the  proper  time  for  a 
formal  call.  This  may  be  varied,  of  course,  ac- 
cording to  the  intimacy  of  the  person  upon  whom 
one  is  calling,  the  trend  of  the  conversation,  peo- 
ple we  happen  to  meet  while  calling,  etc.  Do  not 
stay  too  long,  and  do  not  leave  too  soon,  thereby 
giving  the  impression  that  you  are  performing  an 
unpleasant  duty. 

In  larger  cities,  it  is  seldom  that  the  courtesies 
of  calling  upon  newcomers  are  regarded  seriously. 
This  is,  to  a  certain  extent,  excusable;  the  condi- 
tions of  life  in  the  metropolis  are  different  in  the 
extreme  to  those  existing  in  smaller  places.  As  a 
general  rule,  in  the  city,  one  does  not  call  upon 
recent  arrivals  in  the  neighborhood  unless  certain 
that  something  in  common  justifies  it,  or  unless 
probable  that  future  business  or  social  relations 
make  it  advisable  for  an  early  acquaintance.  In 
smaller  communities,  however,  it  is  without  doubt 
the  duty  of  older  inhabitants  to  extend  a  welcome 
to  new  arrivals.  Formal  calls  should  be  made  at 
the  earliest  possible  moment  after  the  newcomers 
have  had  sufficient  time  to  get  comfortably 
settled. 

A  very  important  call  is  the  dinner,  breakfast  or 
party  call.  After  one  has  been  entertained  at  any 


70  THE  ETIQUETTE  OF  CALLING 

of  the  foregoing  functions  he  should  not  fail  to 
make  a  formal  call  upon  his  hostess.  This  call 
should  be  made  within  fifteen  days.  This  is  an 
absolutely  imperative  custom,  which  is  all  too 
frequently  neglected. 

It  sometimes  occurs  that  an  acquaintance  is 
stopping  at  the  home  of  a  person  with  whom  you 
are  not  acquainted.  You  naturally  desire  to  call 
upon  your  friend.  This  is  perfectly  proper,  but 
you  should  not  fail  to  inquire  for  the  lady  of  the 
house  ,and  upon  leaving  should  not  fail  to  see  that 
one  of  your  cards  has  been  presented  to  her. 

A  woman  may,  with  perfect  propriety,  call  upon 
a  man  upon  purely  business  matters,  j  Under  no 
circumstances,  however,  should  she  make  such  a 
call  socially. 

Ladies  may  call  at  a  gentleman's  apartments 
only  when  accompanied  by  their  mothers  or 
chaperons.  Even  then  it  is  not  advisable  unless  a 
considerable  degree  of  intimacy  exists.  For  a  lady 
to  call  upon  a  gentleman  at  his  rooms  or  hotel,  un- 
accompanied, is  not  only  a  breach  of  etiquette,  but 
a  violation  of  the  conventions  that  may  result  in 
the  blasting  of  her  reputation. 

After  a  death  in  the  family,  calls  should  not  be 
made  except  by  intimate  friends.  Such  calls  are 
painful  and  unnecessary  when  a  slight  acquaint- 
ance only  exists.  A  short  note  of  condolence,  or 
visiting  cards  with  the  inscription  "  With  sincere 
sympathy/'  is  in  far  better  form  when  a  casual 
acquaintance  only  exists. 


72  THE  ETIQUETTE  OF  CALLING 

Both  ladies  and  gentlemen  should  call  at  their 
earliest  convenient  opportunity  to  congratulate  a 
young  woman  who  has  announced  her  engagement 
to  be  married.  Likewise,  calls  should  be  made  in 
acknowledgment  of  cards  sent  out  by  the  young 
mother  announcing  an  addition  to  the  family. 

"  At  home  "  days  are  generally  announced  by 
ladies  who  have  any  claim  to  social  prominence, 
and  should  be  strictly  observed  by  callers.  These 
days  may  be  set  for  one  afternoon  in  each  week; 
where  onefs  social  prestige  is  sufficient  to  include 
a  large  circle  of  acquaintances,  two  days  may  be 
announced.  The  "  at  home  "  day  and  hours 
should  be  engraved  on  the  visiting  cards  of  the 
hostess.  On  these  occasions  the  hostess  makes 
special  arrangements  for  receiving  and  entertain- 
ing her  guests.  Some  form  of  light  refreshment  is. 
customary,  while  the  more  wealthy  frequently  go 
to  the  expense  of  engaging  orchestras  and  profes- 
sional entertainers. 

The  hostess  should  greet  her  guests  and  should 
in  this  instance  extend  her  hand  in  greeting.  If 
her  guests  are  unacquainted,  it  is  her  duty  to  see 
that  they  meet ;  in  fact,  her  ambition  is  to  see  that 
every  one  is  completely  at  ease. 

Gentlemen  are  far  less  formal  in  their  calls,  that 
is,  when  calling  upon  each  other.  A  young  man 
who  is  desirous  of  meeting  some  man  of  promi- 
nence should  call  upon  him,  if  certain  that  such 
call  will  not  be  presumptuous,  if  stopping  tempo- 
rarily in  the  city.  It  is  well  to  call  upon  promi- 


THE  ETIQUETTE  OF  CALLING  73 

nent  hien,  officials,  etc.,  with  a  letter  of  introduc- 
tion from  some  one  personally  acquainted  with  the 
person  whose  acquaintance  you  desire  to  make. 
Business  calls  upon  business  men  should  be  made 
by  appointment.  When  a  gentleman  is  entertain- 
ing a  friend  of  the  same  sex,  all  of  his  gentlemen 
friends  should  call  upon  them  both ;  this  is  a  court- 
esy both  to  their  friend  and  his  guest. 


CHAPTER  IX 

BALLS— DANCES— PAETIES 

Dancing  as  a  wholesome,  perfectly  respectable 
and  popular  form  of  recreation,  is  becoming  more 
and  more  common  at  all  social  gatherings,  where 
space  permits.  The  ban  on  this  form  of  amuse- 
ment is  gradually  being  lifted  by  all  communities ; 
in  fact,  quite  recently  several  religious  denomina- 
tions have  publicly  withdrawn  their  prohibitive 
amendments  against  what  was  once  considered 
questionable,  if  not  actually  sinful.  There  is  no 
doubt  but  what  dancing,  under  proper  auspices 
and  supervised  by  respectable  and  conservative 
individuals,  is  a  healthful  and  entirely  proper 
manner  of  passing  a  pleasant  evening.  Like  all 
other  forms  of  recreation,  it  may  easily  be  carried 
to  excess,  but  that  is  the  fault  of  the  person  and 
not  of  the  art  of  dancing  itself. 

Dances  vary  greatly,  from  the  informal  evening, 
where  some  member  of  the  party  furnishes  the 
music  on  the  piano,  or  where  the  Victrola  or 
phonograph  is  mustered  into  service,  to  the  Grand 
Ball,  where  thousands  of  dollars  are  sometimes 
spent  for  music,  lights,  refreshments,  etc. 

Nothing  adds  more  to  the  enjoyment  of  -a  crowd 
of  young  people  who  have  been  informally  invited 
to  spend  the  evening  than  an  opportunity  to 
choose  their  partners  and  whirl  around  merrily 
to  the  tune  of  the  latest  waltz;  nothing  else  will 

74 


BALLS— DANCES— PARTIES  75 

quite  take  the  place  of  the  chance  to  "  trip  the 
light  fantastic  toe."  The  thoughtful  hostess  will 
cater  to  this  desire  and  see  that  her  young  guests 
have  a  chance  to  dance.  No  matter  if  the  space  is 
limited,  they  gladly  put  up  with  no  end  of  incon- 
veniences to  accomplish  the  desired  result. 

Of  course,  the  first  essential  for  a  dance  of 
any  size  is  good  music.  Now,  it  is  far  better  to 
have  a  small  orchestra,  well  balanced,  with  compe- 
tent musicians,  than  ten  or  twelve  pieces,  some  of 
them  unskilled  and  the  whole  combination  lacking 
practice  together;  what  might  be  called  "  team- 
work "  in  an  orchestra  is  absolutely  necessary.  A 
wonderfully  effective  combination  for  a  small 
house  consists  of  piano,  violin  and  violoncello;  it 
is  hard  to  improve  upon  this.  An  excellent  com- 
bination for  a  hall,  where  expenses  are  considered 
seriously  and  must  be  kept  down,  is  piano,  violin, 
cornet  and  clarinet.  For  a  slightly  smaller  hall, 
this  may  be  varied  by  substituting  violoncello  for 
the  cornet.  Where  there  is  no  piano,  a  harp  may 
be  used;  if  this  is  impracticable,  excellent  results 
may  be  obtained  by  using  a  bass  violin,  first  and 
second  violin,  violoncello  and  clarinet;  if  only 
four  pieces  can  be  used,  drop  out  the  clarinet. 
Avoid  brass  in  small  combinations,  if  possible, 
except  where  the  size  of  the  hall  demands  fairl/ 
loud  music. 

A  howl  of  protest  will  doubtless  arise  from 
many  young  people  relative  to  my  suggestions  for 
proper  instrumentation  in  orchestras.  They  want 


BALLS— DANCES— PARTIES  77 

a  drum !  In  fact,  they  demand  it !  Just  at  present, 
the  Jazz  Mad  crowds  crave  the  volume,  syncopa- 
tion and  vibration  that  nothing  else  will  supply. 
Even  when  only  three  musicians  comprise  the 
orchestra,  the  present  strenuous  and  unnatural 
dances,  abounding  in  abnormal  contortions  of  the 
anatomy,  such  as  the  "Shimmy,"  "Bunny  Hug," 
' '  Boston  Bag, ' '  etc.,  etc.,  really  require  this  awful 
travesty  on  music.  Just  fancy — a  combination  of 
Violin,  Piano  and  Drum!  Imagination  compels 
us  to  see  Strauss,  the  Waltz. King,  turning  un- 
easily in  his  grave  at  the  idea. 

The  author  has  seen  these  spasmodic  revolu- 
tions of  the  dancing  public  come  and  go  for  many 
years,  but  the  custom  invariably  returns  to  the 
dreamy  waltz,  the  more  conservative  dances  and 
the  sane  orchestra  sooner  or  later.  Unless  at  least 
seven  musicians  are  employed,  a  drum  is  not  only 
superfluous,  it  is  an  abomination. 

Invitations  for  a  dance  of  any  magnitude  should 
be  sent  out  ten  days  or  two  weeks  ahead  of  time. 
These  invitations  should  be  engraved,  if  possible. 
It  is  not  at  all  bad  form,  if  the  function  is  not 
strictly  formal,  for  the  invitations  to  be  written 
by  hand. 

Young  ladies  are  supposed  to  be  accompanied  to 
balls  by  their  mothers  or  chaperons;  at  any  time 
when  she  has  finished  dancing,  she  is  at  liberty  to 
ask  her  partner  to  escort  her  back  to  her  chaperon. 

A  young  lady  may,  with  propriety,  attend  a 
public  dance  or  ball  accompanied  by  a  gentleman, 


78  BALLS— DANCES— PARTIES 

unchaperoned,  provided  she  knows  that  there  will 
be  older  married  people  and  other  chaperons 
present.  This  is  a  matter,  of  course,  to  be  left  to 
the  discretion  of  the  girl's  parents;  they  will  de- 
cide whether  or  not  the  escort  is  a  young  man  that 
is  suitable  and  reliable. 

At  balls,  it  is  usual  to  have  some  one  in  charge 
of  the  floor  who  will  make  proper  arrangements 
to  see  that  all  of  the  guests  are  supplied  with 
partners  and  that  there  will  be  none  of  the  so- 
called  "  wall  flowers. "  There  is  a  regrettable  ten- 
dency on  the  part  of  both  sexes  to  dance  with  those 
only  that  are  desirable  as  partners  because  of 
their  skill  in  dancing  or  for  some  other  good  rea- 
son; the  perfect  lady  or  gentleman  who  takes 
pleasure  in  making  others  happy  will  devote  at 
least  a  portion  of  their  time  in  dancing  with  those 
who  are  unfortunate  enough  not  to  be  in  great  de- 
mand as  such  partners. 

Eefreshments  are  usually  served  at  all  such 
affairs,  varying  in  style  from  ice  cream  and  cake 
to  an  extremely  elaborate  spread.  A  popular  form 
is  of  salads,  sandwiches,  coffee,  ice  cream  or  sher- 
bet and  cake.  This  may  be  served  from  a  buffet 
or  sideboard,  presided  over  by  a  servant,  or  by  the 
hostess  assisted  by  some  of  her  intimate  friends. 
In  such  instance,  the  ladies  remain  seated,  while 
the  gentlemen  serve  them — each  gentleman  secur- 
ing what  is  desired  for  himself  and  partner,  then 
seating  himself  by  her  side  while  eating.  At  very 
fashionable  affairs  midnight  supper  is  served  on 


BALLS— DANCES— PARTIES  79 

The  following  is  a  good  form  of  invitation: 


Mr.  and  Mrs.  Charles  Patterson 

Bequest  the  pleasure  of  your  company 

On  Thursday  Evening,  March  the  fourth, 

at  Nine  o 'Clock. 

Dancing  18  Hiller  Place. 


Or— 


Mrs.  Charles  Patterson 
Miss  Patterson 

At  Home 

Thursday  Evening,  March  the  fourth, 
at  Nine  o  'Clock 

Dancing  18  Hiller  Place. 


BALLS— DANCES— PARTIES  81 

small  tables  at  which  all  the  guests  are  seated. 
On  such  occasions  the  matter  of  refreshments  is 
left  in  the  hands  of  a  caterer. 

It  is,  permissible  for  guests  to  arrive  slightly 
late  and  to  leave  at  such  time  as  they  consider  it 
desirable ;  although  it  is  well  to  consult  the  desires 
of  the  hostess  in  such  matters,  if  possible.  If 
every  one  came  late  and  left  early  the  affair  could 
scarcely  be  called  a  success. 

Evening  clothes  should  be  worn  at  balls;  the 
gentlemen  should  wear  Full  Dress.  White  gloves 
are  a  part  of  the  necessary  correct  attire  for  men ; 
it  is  not  unusual  for  a  gentleman  to  come  provided 
with  two  pair  to  prevent  soiling  the  delicate  fab- 
rics worn  by  any  of  his  partners.  When  a  gentle- 
man dances  without  gloves,  he  should  invariably 
cover  his  hand  with  a  white  handkerchief.  The 
lady's  gown  may  be  as  elaborate  as  she  can  af- 
ford, being  what  is  termed  as  "  evening  gown," 
decollete  and  of  any  color  that  may  be  becoming. 

1A!  gentleman  accompanying  ladies  to  a  ball 
should  invariably  provide  a  carriage  or  taxi-  the 
ladies'  costumes  demand  this  courtesy. 

Before  leaving  balls  or  parties  the  guests  are 
bound  to  find  their  hostess  and  express  their  pleas- 
ure at  the  opportunity  of  having  been  present  and 
speaking  briefly  of  the  enjoyable  evening  they 
have  spent. 


CHAPTER  X 

THE  THEATER 

It  is  extremely  doubtful  if  any  hard  and  fast 
rules  can  be  correctly  applied  to  what  is  right  and 
proper  under  this  form  of  recreation.  Common 
sense  should  guide  one  as  to  what  to  wear,  whether 
a  taxi  is  necessary,  etc. 

The  gentleman  who  desires  to  escort  his  mother, 
wife  or  sweetheart  to  the  theater  is  just  as  cor- 
rect, if  his  means  are  limited,  to  use  the  street 
car  as  a  means  of  transportation,  and  to  dress 
neatly  in  an  every-day  business  suit.  Under  these 
circumstances  it  would  not  be  advisable  to  secure 
the  best  seats;  the  dress  circle  or  first  balcony 
would  be  more  proper.  The  lady  should  dress 
accordingly  and  not  wear  a  low  out  ovoning  gown, 
or  any  extreme  style. 

The  gentleman  whose  means  permit  consider- 
able outlay  for  an  evening  at  the  theater  chooses 
Full  Dress,  the  same  costume  as  has  been  recom- 
mended for  the  public  ball.  Silk  or  opera  hat  and 
long  coat  completes  the  attire.  The  lady  dresses 
in  evening  gown,  opera  coat,  if  she  has  one,  or  if 
not  any  coat  of  light  material.  No  one  would  be 
criticized,  in  moderate  circumstances,  however, 
for  wearing  a  stylish  dark  coat  or  cloak.  The  gen- 
tleman is  onco  more  supposed  to  secure  a  carriage 
or  taxi  to  and  from  the  theater. 

After  arrival,  it  is  the  gentleman's  duty  to  re- 

82 


81  THE  THEATER 

main  throughout  the  entire  performance  with  his 
guests.  The  going  out  between  acts  is  extreiriely 
bad  form.  Frequently  a  promenade  is  provided 
by  the  theater  management,  in  which  case  the  gen- 
tleman should  consult  the  ladies  of  the  party  as  to 
whether  they  desire  to  avail  themselves  of  this 
privilege  or  to  remain  seated. 

Upon  arrival  at  the  theater,  the  party  may  or 
may  not  check  their  wraps  in  the  cloakroom.  The 
gentleman  should  allow  the  ladies  of  the  party  to 
start  up  the  aisle  ahead  of  them.  He  then  hands 
his  checks  to  the  usher,  who  precedes  the  party  to 
their  seats,  the  ladies  going  first  and  the  gentle- 
man following;  the  gentleman  should  secure  pro- 
grams for  the  entire  party.  If  his  hat  and  coat 
have  not  been  placed  in  the  cloakroom,  he  places 
his  hat  under  the  seat,  folds  his  coat  and  places  it 
on  the  back  of  the  chair. 

If  the  ladies  wear  hats  and  veils,  they  should 
immediately  remove  them  upon  being  seated.  The 
hat  is  held  in  the  lap,  the  wrap  may  be  folded  and 
placed  on  the  back  of  the  chair. 

All  theatergoers  should  endeavor  to  arrive  in 
time  to  be  seated  before  the  curtain  rises.  It  is 
most  annoying  to  others  when  a  party  arrives  late 
for  various  well  known  reasons. 

It  is  extremely  bad  form  to  converse  during  the 
performance;  there  is  likewise  no  such  painful 
bore  as  he  or  she  who  persists  in  telling  about 
and  describing  the  play  as  it  progresses,  if 
familiar  with  same. 


THE  THEATER  85 

A  very  pleasant  conclusion  to  an  evening  at  the 
theater  is  a  light  supper  at  some  popular  restau- 
rant or  cabaret.  This  is  another  occasion  where 
common  sense  and  the  ability  of  the  host  to  stand 
the  expense  without  embarrassment  must  decide 
the  question. 


CHAPTER  XI 

MOUENING 

Would  that  this  unpleasant  chapter  might  be 
omitted,  but  the  necessity  for  some  suggestions  as 
to  proper  apparel  during  this  painful  period  of 
affliction  is  obvious. 

For  the  widow,  three  distinct  periods  of  mourn- 
ing are  generally  observed: 

The  first  period  requires  that  the  entire  costume 
be  of  black.  Black  worsted  is  an  admirable  mate- 
rial, with  trimming  of  black  crepe.  Veils  of  black 
crepe  of  various  lengths  are  customary.  At  one 
time  these  veils  were  invariably  of  considerable 
length,  reaching  to  the  ground,  and  sometimes 
even  trailing  behind.  Recently,  however,  the  veils 
have  been  shortened.  A  black  bonnet  of  crepe, 
containing  white  ruching  within  the  front  edge, 
completes  the  costume.  The  gloves  should  be  a 
dull  black.  Handkerchiefs  should  have  a  black 
border.  The  first  mourning  period  should  cover  a 
year ;  six  months  is  positively  the  minimum. 

The  second  mourning  permits  the  wearing  for 
the  ensuing  six  months  of  black  silk  or  other  ma- 
terials; black  hats  and  jet  ornaments. 

The  third  period  follows,  permitting  a  combina- 
tion of  white  and  black  for  six  months,  after  which 
the  period  of  mourning  is  generally  supposed  to 
have  been  completed,  insofar  as  outward  form  is 
concerned. 

36 


MOURNING  87 

The  time  for  a  widower's  mourning  is  divided 
into  two  periods.  During  the  first  period  black  is 
worn,  with  white  linen.  After  six  months,  the  sec- 
ond period  permits  the  use  of  gray  and  white  in 
the  costume. 

Young  girls  should  not  wear  crepe.  They  may 
wear  black  gowns  and  for  such  period  as-  they 
deem  proper,  not  to  exceed  one  year.  A  black 
hat  should  be  chosen,  but  the  costume  may  be  re- 
lieved by  small  bits  of  white  at  the  throat  or 
elsewhere. 

The  use  of  a  mourning  band  on  the  sleeve  of  a 
gentleman's  coat  is  customary,  but  this  form  is 
used  for  almost  any  close  relation. 

A  woman  should  make  no  calls  for  at  least  six 
months  after  the  death  of  father  or  husband,  and 
then  only  on  her  more  intimate  friends.  After  a 
year,  she  may  attend  dinners  and  theater  parties 
with  propriety,  if  her  heart  so  desires.  Good  taste 
demands,  however,  she  remain  as  unobtrusive  as 
possible  until  the  mourning  period  has  elapsed. 

Jewelry  should  not  be  worn  during  the  mourn- 
ing period  except -something  extremely  plain. 

Three  months  is  sufficiently  long  for  a  mourning 
period  for  uncle,  aunt  or  cousin.  Mourning  is  not 
generally  adopted  for  grandparents  or  for  father 
of  mothers-in-law, 


CHAPTER  XII 

AT  CHUECH 

On  no  other  occasion  as  on  the  Sabbath  when 
attending  church  should  one's  manners  and  actions 
be  so  entirely  correct  and  beyond  any  possibility 
of  reproach  or  criticism.  On  this  day  of  days  we 
set  aside  all  unpleasant  thoughts  and  devote  our 
time  to  divine  worship,  thanking  Providence  for 
His  many  mercies  and  blessings. 

On  Sunday,  young  people  look  forward  to 
meeting  in  quiet  but  pleasant  social  intercourse; 
it  is  but  natural  that  they  should  desire  to  look 
and  appear  at  their  best.  The  phrase,  "  dressed 
up  in  his  best  Sunday  clothes  "  is  a  well  known 
adage  and  the  man  or  woman  who  has  no  special 
interest  in  personal  appearance  at  any  other  time 
will  strive  to  wear  apparel  on  this  occasion  that  is 
worthy  oif  the  day. 

For  the  clergyman,  there  is  nothing  in  more 
perfect  form  than  the  dark  frock  coat,  dark 
trousers  and  white  bow  tie.  Styles  may  come  and 
go,  yet  it  is  doubtful  if  anything  more  in  har- 
mony with  the  surroundings  will  be  found.  Cer- 
tain denominations,  of  course,  require  the  use  of 
robes  in  the  pulpit,  but  for  all  denominations  not 
making  such  requirements  we  urge  the  style  men- 
tioned as  appropriate,  dignified  and  impressive. 

Ladies  should  not  hesitate  to  wear  their  best,  but 
under  no  circumstances  should  dress,  wrap,  hat  or 

S3 


AT  CHURCH  89 

ornaments  be  loud  or  made  in  such  style  as  to 
attract  attention  by  extreme  colors  or  cuts. 

For  the  man,  any  neat  business  suit,  shoes  to 
match,  with  tie  somewhat  more  conservative  than 
on  week  days,  may  be  worn.  When  possible,  dark 
clothes,  black  shoes,  black  or  black  and  white 
necktie  should  be  selected.  A  man  never  looks  so 
well  as  when  wearing  black  or  dark  blue  clothes ; 
nothing  else  is  quite  as  dressy  or  in  as  good  taste 
for  church. 

It  should  not  be  necessary  to  advise  the  ladies 
that  an  extremely  decollette  gown  would  be  almost 
unpardonable  on  Sundays.  It  is  a  regrettable  fact, 
however,  that  even  on  communion  Sundays  some 
of  the  fair  sex  have  so  little  sense  of  the  proprie- 
ties as  to  dress  in  this  manner. 

Upon  arrival  at  church,  a  gentleman  precedes 
the  lady  down  the  aisle,  stepping  one  side  to  allow 
her  to  enter  the  pew  first ;  if  he  is  a  man  of  family, 
he  stands  to  one  side  after  leading  down  the  aisle 
until  the  family  have  entered  the  pew  and  seated 
themselves.  If  ushers  are  in  attendance,  the  usher 
leads  the  way,  mother  and  children  following, 
while  the  father  brings  up  the  rear.  The  usher 
stands  one  side  upon  reaching  the  seat  to  which 
the  family  has  been  led,  remains  there  until  all  are 
seated  and  then  returns  to  his  place  at  the  rear  of 
the  church.  Ushers  should  greet  all  comers  with 
a  smile  and  hand  clasp;  particularly  strangers, 
with  some  appropriate  words  of  welcome. 

Eespectful  and  reverent  attention  should  be  paid 


AT  CHURCH  91 

to  the  sermon,  while  all  should  participate  as 
heartily  as  possible  in  the  responses  and  singing 
of  hymns.  The  chief  trial  of  a  clergyman's  dis- 
course is  a  partially  inattentive  congregation; 
whispering  or  allowing  one's  gaze  to  wander  aim- 
lessly about  the  room  should  be  avoided,  as  to  dp 
either  of  these  things  is  to  show  a  lack  of  polite 
breeding  and  is  a  direct  slight  to  your  pastor. 
Whether  one  is  a  professed  Christian  or  not,  tho 
head  should  be  reverently  bowed  during  prayer. 

Too  much  stress  cannot  be  laid  on  urging  every 
one  to  arrive  on  time.  It  is  most  trying  to  pastor 
and  congregation  alike  to'have  stragglers  entering 
ten,  fifteen  and  twenty  minutes  after  the  com- 
mencement of  services.  One  should  be  seated  be- 
fore the  conclusion  of  the  voluntary  by  the  organ- 
ist, in  ample  time  to  join  in  singing  the  Doxology. 

At  the  conclusion  of  services,  it  is  customary 
for  the  pastor  to  precede  the  congregation  to  the 
front  door,  greeting  and  dismissing  each  indi- 
vidual with  a  smile,  a  hand  clasp  and  some  few 
appropriate  words. 

It  is  at  this  time  that  friends  and  fellow- 
Christians  meet  after  the  week's  arduous  toils  in 
perfect  understanding,  at  which  time  all  animosi- 
ties and  hostile  feelings  should  be  forgotten.  The 
beautiful  hymn  of  communion  should  be  in  one's 
mind  as  the  proper  conclusion  of  the  service — 

''Blest  be  the  tie  that  binds 
Our  hearts  in  Christian  Love." 


92  AT  CHURCH 

Church  members  should  lose  no  opportunity  to 
meet  and  warmly  welcome  strangers ;  many  an  un- 
happy, lonesome,  discouraged  man  or  woman  has 
been  brought  to  the  Light  at  such  a  time  by  the 
kindly  clasp  of  the  hand  and  the  welcoming  smile 
of  a  true  Christian,  accompanied  by  tactful  and 
pleasant  but  not  inquisitive  inquiries. 


CHAPTER  XIII 

CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING 

This  chapter  is  devoted  to  a  few  proper  forms 
of  the  more  common  communications  necessary  in 
social  and  business  life.  The  subject  is  so  exten- 
sive that  the  author  finds  it  impossible  to  give 
but  a  limited  number  of  examples.  Those  most 
likely  to  be  commonly  and  frequently  used  have 
been  selected  after  considerable  thought  on  this 
most  important  art. 

BUSINESS   LETTERS 

Answering  an  Advertisement  in  the  Newspaper. 
The  following  form  may  be  correctly  used  in 
answering  practically  any  business  advertisement 
appearing  in  a  local  newspaper,  varying  the 
phraseology  to  suit  the  position  for  which  appli- 
cation is  being  made : 

Newark,  N.  J., 
December  15,  1919. 
Mr.  John  D.  Smith, 

Commercial  Building,  City. 
Sir: 

Replying  to  your  ad  in  today 's  "Star,"  I  am 
twenty-seven  years  of  age  and  have  had  seven 
consecutive  years '  experience  with  reputable  firms 
as  stenographer.  I  am  accustomed  to  rapid  dicta- 
tion and  my  work  has  been  always  considered 
accurate.  I  respectfully  request  a  personal  inter- 
view to  enable  me  to  present  my  testimonials. 
Very  respectfully, 

Henry  G.  Stiles, 
Phone  Main  3608.  1845  De  Kalb  Avenue. 

93 


94  CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING 

For  a  Position  as  Cook,  Chambermaid,  Butler, 
Chauffeur,  Housekeeper,  etc. 

Wheeling,  West  Va., 

January  23,  1919. 
Sir  (or  Madam) : 

Having  learned  indirectly  that  you  require  the 
services  of  an  experienced  chauffeur,  I  respect- 
fully request  to  be  considered  as  an  applicant  for 
the  position.  I  am  unmarried,  twenty-eight  years 
of  age  and  have  served  in  this  capacity  for  three 
years  with  Dr.  H.  L.  Winters,  to  whom  I  respect- 
fully refer  you  for  reference  as  to  my  character 
and  ability.  I  am, 

Yours,  most  respectfully, 

James  H.  Wilson, 
1453  Belford  Eoad. 

The  above  form  may  be  changed  to  suit  the  oc- 
casion and  the  position  desired.  To  those  indi- 
viduals who  desire  to  apply  for  positions  as  ser- 
vants, we  urgently  suggest  the  use  of  a  dictionary, 
as  nothing  creates  a  poor  impression  more  quickly 
than  improper  spelling. 

While  most  business  corporations  place  the 
name  and  address  of  addressee  at  the  commence- 
ment of  the  letter,  yet  it  is  considered  correct  and 
in  some  cases  preferable  to  simply  commence  the 
letter  "  Sir  "or  "  Madam, "  and  to  place  the 
name  and  address  in  the  lower  left-hand  corner 
of  the  finished  communication. 

And  right  here  let  it  be  known  that  the  United 
States  Civil  Service  Commission  has  long  held 


CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING  95 

this  as  the  proper  form.  Those  who  contemplate 
taking  a  civil  service  examination  should  bear  this 
in  mind,  as  the  Commission  is  extremely  strict  in 
its  rulings  and  it  is  as  well  to  be  absolutely  correct. 
The  following  form  would  doubtless  be  accepted 
as  practically  correct  by  the  United  States  Civil 
Service  Commission : 

Washington,  D.  C., 

September  18,  1919. 
Sir: 

In  reply  to  your  interrogation  relative  to  the 
opinion  of  the  soldiers  of  the  First  Division  who 
have  recently  returned  from  France  relative  to 
the  League  of  Nations,  you  are  advised  that  upon 
personally  approaching  twenty-five  men,  all  of 
whom  wore  service  stripes,  it  was  ascertained  that 
the  opinion  was  about  equally  divided.  The  result 
of  the  inquiry  was  as  follows : 

Twelve  men  were  in  favor  of  the  treaty  without 
change ;  ten  favored  ratification  with  reservations, 
while  threejwere  against  ratification  in  any  form. 
Thus,  it  would  appear  that  opinion  is  about  as 
evenly  divided  in  the  military  as  in  civil  life. 
Very  respectfully, 

James  H.  Wallace. 
To  the  Secretary, 

U.  S.  Civil  Service  Commission, 
Washington,  D.  0. 

The  civil  service  examination  generally  requires 
that  your  examination  number  be  signed  instead  of 
the  name.  The  applicant  who  follows  the  above 
form  will  not  go  far  astray. 


96  CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING 

Ordering  Goods  by  Mail 

In  transmitting  an  order  for  articles  to  some 
mail  order  house,  several  things  should  be  most 
carefully  observed: 

First— Be  sure  you  have  figured  up  the  correct 
amount  of  money  to  enclose,  including  postage  or 
express  charges ; 

Second — Be  sure  that  you  have  the  correct 
catalogue  style  and  page  number,  if  ordered  from 
a  catalogue ; 

Third — Be  sure  that  you  have  given  the  sj^e, 
color,  etc.,  of  the  article  desired.  Above  all,  see 
that  you  have  given  your  correct  address. 

Most  large  mail  order  houses  furnish  order 
blanks.  It  frequently  occurs,  however,  that  no 
such  blanks  are  available,  and  the  following  form 
is  suggested,  to  be  varied  to  suit: 

617  Maple  Ave.,  N.  W., 
Washington,  D.  C., 

January  28,  1919. 
Montgomery  Ward  &  Co., 

Chicago,  Ills. 
Gentlemen : 

Enclosed  find  $37.85,  for  which  please  send  me 
by  parcel  post,  special  delivery,  at  your  earliest 
convenience : 

3  Pair  Ladies'  Black  Silk  Hose,  Size  .8%, 
$2.50  per  pair,  Style  1608-F,  Page  153, 

your  1919  Catalogue $  7.50 

6  Yards  Navy  Blue  Serge,  $4.00  per  yard, 

Style  345-G,  Page  217 24-00 


CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING  97 

2    Dozen    Gentlemen's    Collars,    $3.00    per 

dozen,  Style  18007-H,  Page  343 6.00 


$37.50 

Postage   25 

Special  delivery    10 

$37.85 
Very  respectfully, 

Charles  H.  Evans. 

Delaying  Payment  of  Rent  in  City  or  Country  for 
Unavoidable  Reasons 

Atlanta,  Ga., 
August  25,  1919. 
My  dear  Sir : 

It  is  with  great  regret  that  I  am  forced  to  re- 
quest you  to  postpone  the  payment  of  the  rent 
which  will  be  due  on  the  first  of  the  coming  month. 
A  combination  of  unfortunate  circumstances  has 
made  this  request  unavoidable.  My  financial  em- 
barrassment is  only  temporary  and  within  sixty 
days  I  shall  be  able  to  make  up  for  all  back  pay- 
ments and  to  renew  my  regular  monthly  payments 
as  they  become  due. 

Trusting  that  you  may  see  fit  to  extend  this 
courtesy  to  me  and  assuring  you  of  my  apprecia- 
tion, I  am, 

Yours  very  truly, 

William  A.  Henderson. 
To  Chas.  H.  Irwin, 
Atlanta,  Ga. 

The  above  letter  must,  of  course,  be  varied  to 
suit  the  circumstances.  Great  care  should  be 
exercised  to  make  no  promises  of  payment  on  a 


98  CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING 

certain  date  unless  absolutely  certain  that  nothing 
will  prevent  the  prompt  liquidation  of  the  debt  on 
the  day  mentioned.  It  is  frequently  unavoidable 
to  postpone  payment-of  rent  or  other  bills,  through 
illness  or  financial  misfortunes,  but  it  is  inexcus- 
able to  promise  to  pay  at  a  certain  time  and  then 
fail  to  do  so.  Nothing  has  a  tendency  to  injure  a 
man's  reputation  and  business  standing  as  con- 
tniually  making  promises  which  cannot  be  kept. 

Practically  the  same  form  may  be  used  in  re- 
questing an  extension  of  interest  due  on  a  mort- 
gage, changing  the  wording  of  the  communication 
accordingly. 

Requesting  the  Temporary  Loan  of  a  Small  Sum 

In  preparing  the  following  letter,  it  is  the  as- 
sumption that  a  man  will  not  request  a  loan  from 
any  but  a  friend,  relative  or  intimate — certainly 
not  of  a  comparative  stranger. 

Cleveland,  Ohio, 

July  5,  1919. 
John  H.  Edwards,  Esq., 
Attorney  at  Law, 

Cumberland  Bldg.,  City. 
My  dear  John : 

There  are  few  of  my  friends  to  whom  I  should 
write  for  financial  assistance,  but  I  feel  that  you 
will  understand  and  appreciate  the  fact  that  the 
request  would  not  be  made  except  for  urgent 
reasons. 

I  am  absolutely  obliged  to  secure  $15.00  until 


CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING  .         99 

next  Friday-,  the  12th  instant,  at  which  time  I 
shall  be  in  position  to  repay  same  without 
difficulty. 

I  feel  sure  -that  you  will  be  willing  to  let  me 
have  this  amount  for  the  short  time  specified  if 
convenient.  If,  for  any  reason,  it  is  impossible 
for  you  to  comply  with  my  request,  I  assure  you 
that  there  will  not  be  the  slightest  of  hard  feelings 
upon  my  part  for  your  refusal. 
Sincerely, 

Edgar  H.  Wilkins. 

Granting  the  Request 

Mr.  Edgar  H.  Wilkins, 

1440  Kennard  St.,  City. 
Dear  Ed : 

It  is  with  great  pleasure  that  I  comply  with 
your  request  and  enclose  herewith  my  check  for 
$15.00  Trusting  that  this  remittance  will  reach 
you  in  ample  time,  I  am, 

Most  sincerely, 

John  H.  Edwards. 

Refusing 

Mr.  Edgar  H.  Wilkins, 

1440  Kennard  St..  City. 
Dear  Ed : 

I  trust  you  will  believe  me  sincere  when  I  assure 
you  that  nothing  would  give  me  more  pleasure 
than  to  comply  with  your  request  and  loan  you 
the  small  amount  requested.  There  have  been  so 
many  financial  matters  requiring  my  attention  re- 
cently that  my  bank  account  is  practically  ex- 
hausted ;  in  fact,  I  have  not  half  of  the  amount  you 
desire  now  on  deposit. 

Regretting  my  ability  to  accommodate  you  this 


100  CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING 

time,  and  trusting  you  will  thoroughly  understand 
nay  refusal, 

Sincerely  yours, 

John  H.  Edwards. 

Repaying  the  Loan 

Cleveland,  Ohio, 

John  H.  Edwards,  Esq.,  July  12'  1919< 

Attorney  at  Law, 

Cumberland  Bldg.,  City. 
My  dear  John : 

Herewith  please  find  enclosed  my  check  for 
$15.00  in  payment  of  the  loan  which  you  so  kindly 
advanced  me  about  a  week  ago.  I  shall  not  forget 
your  courtesy  and  trust  that  you  will  not  fail  to 
call  upon  me  at  any  time  that  I  may  have  an  op- 
portunity of  reciprocating. 

•Sincerely  yours, 

Edgar  H.  Wilkins. 

//  Payment  Has  Been  Delayed 

John  H.  Edwards,  Esq., 
Attorney  at  Law, 

Cumberland  Bldg.,  City. 
My  dear  John : 

The  enclosed  remittance  of  $15.00  should  have 
been  sent  you  on  the  12th  instant.  I  deeply  regret 
the  circumstances  which  compelled  me  to  delay 
payment  and  hope  that  you  will  overlook  my  tem- 
porary delinquency. 

With  sincere  thanks  and  trusting  that  the 
slight  delay  has  not  seriously  inconvenienced  you, 
I  remain, 

Yours,  most  sincerely, 

Edgar  H.  Wilkins. 


CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING  101 

The  loan  having  been  made  has  not  been  repaid 
at  the  time  specified.  After  a  reasonable  timet  the 
following  letter  should  be  written: 

Cleveland,  Ohio, 

July  31,  1919. 
Mr.  Edgar  It.  Wilkins, 

1440  Kennard  St.,  City. 
My  dear  Wilkins : 

I  feel  sure  that  you  have  simply  overlooked  the 
fact  that  the  $15.00  I  loaned  you  several  weeks 
ago  was  to  have  been  repaid  on  the  12th  instant. 
Having  several  pressing  obligations  to  meet,  I 
should  appreciate  your  courtesy  in  giving  this 
your  early  attention. 

Trusting  that  you  will  understand  and  pardon 
me  for  bringing  this  small  matter  to  your 
attention, 

Yours  very  truly, 

John  H.  Edwards. 

//  the  gentleman  fails  to  reply  to  the  foregoing 
letter  within  a  reasonable  time,  the  following  is 
justifiable: 

Cleveland,  Ohio, 
September  10,  1919. 
Mr.  Edgar  H.  Wilkins, 

1440  Kennard  St.,  City. 
Dear  Sir: 

Over  a  month  ago,  I  wrote  you  courteously 
concerning  the  $15.00  loaned  you  early  in  July. 
You  are  of  course  aware  that  this  should  have 
been  paid  long  ago.  Your  failure  to  meet  your 
obligation  and  your  continued  silence  concerning 
the  matter,  if  persisted  in,  will  eventually  destroy 
the  respect  and  confidence  I  have  always  held 
for  you. 


102  CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING 

My  patience  is  becoming  exhausted,  and  I  shall 
expect  a  satisfactory  reply  from  you  by  return 

mail.  xr  „  ,, 

1  ours  very  respectfully, 

John  H.  Edwards. 

Request  to  Open  an  Account 

Chicago,  Ills., 
January  3,  1919. 
Washburn  Elliott  Furniture  Co., 

2345  Michigan  Ave.,  City. 
Gentlemen : 

I  am  contemplating  furnishing  an  apartment  in 
the  "  Belvedere, "  containing  six  rooms,  and  your 
firm  carries  practically  everything  necessary  for 
my  desires.  As  my  income  from  my  salaried  posi- 
tion at  Ferryman  Brothers  Brokerage  Office  is 
not  sufficient  to  enable  me  to  pay  cash  for  my 
purchases,  I  should  appreciate  your  considering 
my  request  for  credit.  I  shall  be  pleased  to  call  at 
any  time  that  is  convenient  to  consult  with  you 
relative  to  terms. 

Yours  very  truly, 

Frank  K.  Hendricks. 

Or  as  Follows: 

Chicago,  Ills., 
Illinois  Dry  Goods  Co.,  January  3,  1919. 

456  South  Dearborn, 
Chicago,  Ills. 

Gentlemen : 

I  should  appreciate  the  privilege  of  purchasing 
goods  from  your  firm  at  various  times  and  making 
monthly  settlements.  I  am  employed  in  the  office 
of  the  Chicago  and  Northwestern  Kailway  Com- 
pany at  a  salary  of  $35.00  per  week,  and  as  it  is 


CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING  103 

frequently  inconvenient  to  pay  cash  between  pay 
days,  the  above  mentioned  courtesy  would  be  a 
great  convenience.  Your  bills  will  be  honored 
and  promptly  met  on  the  first  day  of  each  month. 
Yours  very  respectfully, 

Frank  K.  Hendricks. 

Letter  of  Resignation 

Baltimore,  Md., 
September  15,  1919. 
Empire  Building  &  Loan  Ass'n, 
1345  E.  Baltimore  Street, 

Baltimore,  Md. 
Gentlemen : 

It  is  with  sincere  regret  that  I  am  compelled  to 
tender  my  resignation  as  assistant  bookkeeper  in 
your  office,  effective  at  close  of  business  Septem- 
ber 30,  1919.  The  Penn  State  Insurance  Company 
has  made  me  an  offer  which  is  so  satisfactory  that 
it  would  be  extremely  foolish  of  me  to  decline. 

I  am  severing  my  connections  with  your  firm 
with  reluctance,  and  shall  always  retain  the  most 
pleasant  recollections  of  my  service  while  in  your 
employ.  If  consistent,  I  should  appreciate  some 
brief  letter  of  recommendation  in  the  event  that 
you  feel  such  testimonial  fully  justified. 
Yours  very  truly, 

Frederick  A.  Grant. 

The  Testimonial 

Baltimore,  Md., 

October  1,  1919. 
To  whom  it  may  concern : 

This  is  to  certify  that  Frederick  A.  Grant  has 
voluntarily  severed  his  connection  with  our  firm 


104  CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING 

after  three  years  of  faithful  and  efficient  service. 
We  regret  this  action  on  his  part,  but  are  glad 
that  he  goes  to  a  position  more  commensurate 
with  his  abilities  and  with  more  chance  for 
advancement. 

In  addition  to  having  been  loyal  and  conscien- 
tious in  the  performance  of  his  duties  and  uni- 
formly courteous,  he  has  displayed  more  than 
ordinary  executive  ability  and  initiative. 

William  A.  Watson, 
President  and  Treasurer, 
WAW.  Empire  Building  &  Loan  Ass'n. 

NOTE. — As  stated  at  the  commencement  of  this 
chapter,  it  would  be  a  physical  impossibility  to 
give  samples  of  all  of  the  correct  forms  for  busi- 
ness and  social  correspondence.  The  foregoing 
business  communications  have  been  carefully  pre- 
pared, following  the  most  modern  and  up-to-date 
forms  adopted  by  the  leading  corporations  and, 
in  many  cases,  by  the  United  States  Government. 
First  of  all,  common  sense  and  judgment  must 
guide  the  writer  of  any  epistle ;  avoid  placing  .on 
paper  anything  of  whatever  nature  that  may 
bring  unpleasant  situations  and  conditions  in  the 
future.  Never  write  anything  that  you  are  not 
able  and  willing  to  substantiate  if  brought  face 
to  face  with  the  person  you  are  addressing. 

And  right  here  the  author  desires  to  state  that 
the  most  cowardly  and  inexcusable  thing  imagin- 
able is  the  anonymous  letter.  The  person  who 
does  not  possess  the  moral  courage  to  face  a 
person  with  accusations  or  express  his  sentiments 


CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING  105 

by  writing  over  his  own  signature  frequently  re- 
sorts to  sending  abusive  and  insinuating  letters 
through  the  mail  without  signing  them,  or,  worse 
still,  over  some  fictitious  signature.  It  is  to  be 
regretted  that  such  action  does  not  constitute 
criminal  offense,  and  whoever  is  guilty  of  this 
breach  o'f  etiquette  is  not  fit  for  decent  society. 

The  following  are  examples  of  some  of  the  most 
common  of  social  communications.  The  letters 
are  carefully  prepared  with  a  view  to  giving  the 
readers  of  this  volume  the  correct  idea  to  follow 
in  preparing  almost  any  communication,  varying 
the  wording  to  suit  the  occasion.  The  style,  word- 
ing and  general  tone  of  these  epistles  is  as  near 
correct  as  it  is  possible  to  make  them. 

An  Invitation  to  Dinner 

NOTE. — An  invitation  to  dinner  should  invari- 
ably be  written  by  the  lady  of  the  house,  addressed 
in  like  manner  in  the  letter  to  the  lady  she  desires 
to  entertain.  This  invitation  is  placed  in  an  en- 
velope and  may  then  be  addressed  to  Mr.  and  Mrs. 
Brown,  the  envelope  then  being  re-enclosed  in  a 
larger  envelope  addressed  to  Mrs.  Brown  person- 
ally, and  then  mailed. 

Yonkers,  N.  Y., 
February  5,  1919. 

Dear  Mrs.  Brown : 

If  convenient,  we  shall  be  delighted  to  have  you 

dine  with  us  on  Wednesday  evening,  the  twelfth, 


AN  EPISTLE  TO  HER  ABSENT  HERO. 


CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING  107 

at  8  o  'clock.    The  affair  is  to  be  informal  and  you 
will  meet  only  congenial  acquaintances. 
Cordially  yours, 

Eleanor  B.  Stevens. 

To 

Mrs.  William  Brown, 
Addressed. 

Formal  dinner  invitations  are  generally  printed 
or  engraved,  and,  if  so,  should  be  worded  about 
as  follows : 


Mr.  and  Mrs.  Faverisham 
Request  the  pleasure  of  your  company 

at  Dinner 

Thursday,  February  12th, 
at  8  o'Clock. 

475  Warrenton  Avenue. 


For  a  very  informal  gathering,  a  plain  note  may 
be  written  by  the  hostess  and  sent  in  a  single 
envelope  about  as  follows: 


108  CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING 

Boston,  Mass., 

July  7,  1§19. 
Dear  Margaret: 

We  should  be  very  happy  to  have  you  and 
Charles  dine  with  us  informally  at  about  8  o  'clock 
next  Friday  evening.  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Williams, 
Mr.  Edwards  and  Miss  Devereux  will  also  be 
present  and  we  expect  to  devote  the  evening  to 
cards.  Please  drop  me  a  line  or  phone  me  at  your 
earliest  convenience. 

Yours  sincerely, 

Esther  V.  Broverman. 
To 

Mrs.  Margaret  Havens, 
Addressed. 

Dinner  Invitation  to  a  Bachelor 

Philadelphia,  Penna., 

August  2,  1919, 
Dear  Mr.  Hendricks : 

We  shall  be  pleased  if  you  can  find  it  convenient 
to  dine  with  us  on  Wednesday  evening,  the  nine- 
teenth, at  7 :30  P.  M.    After  dinner  we  are  plan- 
ning to  have  an  informal  dance. 
Cordially  yours, 

-  Helen  V.  Powers. 
To 

Wm.  H.  Hendricks, 
Addressed 

The  above  letter  should  be  sent  to  the  young 
man's  address,  or  to  his  club.  The  young  man  is 
expected  to  reply  within  at  least  forty-eight  hours, 
either  in  the  negative  or  affirmative. 

NOTE. — Proper  dress  for  men  at  a  formal  dinner 


CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING  109 

is  Full  Dress,  same  as  to  theater,  except  as  to 
white  gloves.  To  an  informal  dinner,  the  Tuxedo 
or  Dinner  Jacket  is  quite  correct.  Ladies  wear 
evening  gowns  as  elaborate  as  the  occasion  and 
their  wardrobe  suggest. 

The  Bachelor  Replies — Accepting 

Philadelphia,  Penna., 

August  4,  1919. 
My  dear  Mrs.  Powers : 

It  will  afford  me  a  great  deal  of  pleasure  to 
accept  your  kind  invitation  and  dine  with  you  on 
the  evening  of  the  nineteenth.  You  may  expect 
me  at  the  hour  indicated. 

Thanking  you  for  your  courtesy, 
Sincerely, 

Wm.  H.  Hendricks. 
To 

Mrs.  Helen  V.  Powers, 
Addressed. 

Refusing 

Philadelphia,  Penna., 

August  4,  1919. 
My  dear  Mrs.  Powers : 

It  is  deeply  regretted  that  a  previous  engage- 
ment prevents  my  acceptance  of  your  courteous 
invitation.  Nothing  would  give  me  greater  pleas- 
ure than  dining  with  you,  and  I  sincerely  trust 
that  I  may  be  given  the  opportunity  of  enjoying 
your  hospitality  on  some  future  occasion. 

Sincerely, 

To  Wm.  H.  Hendricks 

Mrs.  Helen  V.  Powers, 
Addressed. 


110  CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING 

Invitation  to  a  Children's  Party 

Washington,  D.  C., 

December  15,  1919. 
Dear  Mrs.  Hawthorne : 

Will  you  allow  your  little  girls  to  join  a  chil- 
dren 's  party  at  our  home  at  4 :30  o  'clock  on  Friday 
afternoon  next! 

It  is  Marie's  birthday,  and  I*am  inviting  a  few 
cf  her  young  friends  to  help  celebrate. 
Sincerely, 

Margaret  Evans. 

Accepting 

Washington,  D.  C., 

December  17,  1919. 
Dear  Mrs.  Evans : 

I  shall  be  most  happy  to  accept  your  invitation 
for  my  children.  We  shall  call  for  them  not  later 
than  7  o'clock  unless  this  interferes  with  your 
arrangements. 

Thanking  you  for  your  thoughtfulness, 
Sincerely, 

Helen  H.  Hawthorne. 

Refusing 

Washington,  D.  C., 

December  17,  1919. 
Dear  Mrs.  Evans : 

Thank  you  so  much  for  your  kind  invitation  to 
my  little  ones.  Nothing  would  give  either  the 
children  or  myself  greater  pleasure  than  for  them 
to  attend  Marie's  party. 

I  regret  to  say  that  Mable  has  been  ill  for  two 
days  with  a  severe  sore  throat,  and  under  the  cir- 


CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING  111 

» 

eumstances  feel  sure  that  you  will  understand  and 
appreciate  my  reasons  for  declining. 

We  all  wish  Marie  many  happy  returns  of  the 
day. 

Sincerely, 

Helen  H.  Hawthorne. 

From  One  Bachelor  to  Another 

The  Hazelhurst, 

March  4,  1919. 
My  dear  Winston : 

Our  old  friend  Hamilton  is  in  town  for  a  few 
days  and  I  am  inviting  a  few  of  our  mutual 
friends  to  meet  him  at  8  o'clock  next  Wednesday 
evening.  I  should  like  very  much  to  have  you  as 
one  of  the  party. 

Sincerely, 

Howard  Ellison. 
John  Winston,  Esq., 
University  Club. 

Accepting 

University  Club, 

March  5,  1919. 
Dear  Ellison: 

It  will  be  a  real  pleasure  both  to  dine  with  you 
and  to  renew  my  old  acquaintance  with  our  mutual 
friend  Hamilton.  I  shall  be  there  and  look  for- 
ward to  a  great  evening. 

Yours  in  haste, 

John  Winston. 
Mr.  Howard  Ellison, 
The  Hazelhurst. 


HER   SMILE   ASSURES   A    FAVORABLE  REPLY. 


CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING  113 

Declining 

University  Club, 

March  5,  1919. 
My  dear  Ellison: 

Nothing  but  the  most  urgent  business  engage- 
ment would  keep  me  away  from  your  place 
Wednesday  evening.  I  shall  be  in  New  York  at 
that  time,  which  fact,  I  feel  sure,  will  be  accepted 
by  you  as  "extenuating  circumstances  >:  for 
declining. 

Convey  to  Hamilton  and  the  "  good  fellows  " 
sure  to  be  present  my  kindest  regards  and  regrets. 
Sincerely, 

John  Winston. 
Mr.  Howard  Ellison, 
The  Hazelhurst. 

When  a  young  man 's  timidity  or  the  fact  that  he 
can  express  himself  better  on  paper  than  by  word 
of  mouth  makes  a  formal  declaration  of  marriage 
by  letter  advisable,  extravagant  expressions  of 
endearment  and  affection  should  be  avoided.  The 
assumption  is  that  the  lady  of  your  choice  is  a 
young  woman  of  discretion  and  common  sense, 
and,  if  so,  a  letter  abounding  in  alleged  metaphor- 
ical language,  highly  colored  adjectives  and  some- 
what "  solft  "  phrases  may  have  a  tendency  to 
lessen  her  regard  and  respect.  Things  that  may 
safely  be  whispered  in  the  ear  of  a  sweetheart 
look  rather  out  of  place  and  silly  when  transferred 
to  paper. 


114  CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING 

Birmingham,  Ala., 

April  4,  1919. 
Dear  Mary : 

I  feel  that  this  letter  will  not  be  entirely  a  sur- 
prise to  you.  I  have  been  on  the  point  of  declaring 
my  affection  to  you  on  many  occasions,  as  you 
may  have  guessed.  However,  at  such  times,  the 
words  have  simply  refused  to  come,  and  my  cour- 
age has  failed  me.  I  trust  that  you  will  under- 
stand why  it  is  that  I  am  placing  on  paper  that 
which,  up  to  the  present  time,  I  have  not  dared  to 
speak. 

I  have  loved  you  devotedly  for  many  weeks, 
have  admired  your  many  sterling  qualities  and 
your  sweetness  of  disposition.  I  feel  that  my 
whole  future  happiness  depends  upon  your  con- 
senting to  become  my  wife. 

It  is  unnecessary  for  me  to  say  that  I  shall 
count  the  minutes  until  your  reply  reaches  me. 
I  am,  with  sincere  affection, 

Edward  H.  Patterson. 
f 
'Accepting 

Birmingham,  Ala., 

April  4,  1919. 
My  dear  Edward : 

I  will  not  say  that  your  letter  was  entirely  a 
surprise  to  me,  and  I  hasten  to  assure  you  that  it 
has  given  me  great  happiness.  I  do  not  hesitate 
in  saying  that  your  feelings  are  reciprocated,  and 
that  I  trust  I  shall  be  worthy  of  your  honest 
affection. 

I  shall  be  glad  to  see  you  at  any  time. 
Affectionately, 

Mary. 


CORRECT  LETTER  WRITIiNG  115 

Rejecting 

Birmingham,  Ala., 

April  4, 1919. 
My  dear  Mr.  Patterson : 

You  have  paid  me  the  highest  compliment  a  man 
can  possibly  pay  a  woman.  I  appreciate  the 
honor  and  regret  that  I  must  hasten  to  advise  you 
that  I  do  not  hold  the  affection  for  you  that  a  wife 
should  hold  for  her  husband.  While  I  admire  and 
respect  you  greatly,  I  feel  that  marriage  would 
be  a  great  mistake.  If  I  have  given  you  reasons 
for  thinking  my  sentiments  were  .other  than  those 
of  a  sincere  friend,  I  deeply  regret  the  fact. 

I  sincerely  trust  that  you  may  find  some 
woman,  more  worthy  than  I,  who  will  make  the 
wife  that  you  deserve. 

Sincerely  your  friend, 

Mary  Williamson. 

Letter  to  the  Father,  requesting  permission  to  pay 
your  addresses  to  his  Daughter. 

Atlanta,  Ga., 
September  5,  1919. 
My  dear  Sir: 

I  take  the  liberty  of  addressing  you  upon  a 
subject  that  is  of  vital  importance,  in  fact,  that 
concerns  my  entire  future  happiness.  I  have 
long  admired  your  daughter  and  have  finally 
realized  that  nothing  else  is  of  any  consequence  if 
I  cannot  win  her  for  my  wife.  I  have  reasons  to 
believe  that  my  attentions  are  not  unacceptable  to 
her,  and,  believing  that  we  shall  be  both  congenial 
and  happy  in  our  married  life,  take  this  method 
of  asking  your  permission  to  request  her  hand  m 
marriage. 


116  CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING 

I  am  not  a  wealthy  man,  having  only  my  income 
of  $2,000.00  per  annum,  but  I  have  approximately 
$3,000.00  in  the  bank  and  in  Liberty  Bonds,  and 
feel  sure  that  I  can  support  her  and  make  her 
happy. 

With  assurances  of  regard  and  esteem,  I  await 
your  reply. 

Yours,  very  respectfully, 

Edward  H.  Patterson. 

Accepting 

Atlanta,  Ga., 
September  6,  1919. 
My  dear  Mr.  Patterson : 

Your  letter  of  yesterday's  date,  while  somewhat 
of  a  surprise,  is  nevertheless  something  for  which 
every  Father  must  be  prepared.  I  have  scarcely 
realized  the  fact  that  Mary  had  grown  up,  but  am 
forced  to  acknowledge  that  such  is  the  case.  I  ad- 
mire the  frank  manner  in  which  you  have  written 
me,  and  have  no  objection  to  your  paying  your 
addresses  to  my  daughter  and  to  your  marriage 
at  the  proper  time  and  place.  In  the  meantime, 
you  will  be  welcome  at  our  home  at  any  time. 
Sincerely, 

el.  H.  Williamson. 

Refusing 

Atlanta,  Ga., 
September  6, 1919. 
My  dear  Sir : 

Your  letter  of  September  5th  has  amazed  me. 
Had  I  for  a  moment  thought  that  any  but  the  most 
platonic  sentiments  existed  between  yourself  .and 
my  daughter,  I  should  have  interfered  long  before 


X 

CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING  1 1 7 

the  present  time.  In  the  first  place,  Mary  is  far 
too  young  to  think  about  marriage  for  the  next 
three  years ;  again,  I  do  not  consider  your  income 
sufficient  to  support  her  in  the  manner  to  which 
she  has  been  accustomed. 

I  have  no  objection  to  you  personally,  but  do 
not  fancy  you  as  a  son-in-law — at  least  not  yet. 

Under  the  circumstances,  I  think  it  best  that  you 
discontinue  your  visits  to  my  house.    Eegretting 
the  necessity  for  addressing  you  in  a  manner 
which,  at  this  time,  may  appear  unkindly,  I  am, 
Very  respectfully, 

J.  H.  Williamson. 

Letters  of  Condolence 

Letters  of  sympathy  in  time  of  bereavement  are 
probably  the  most  difficult  of  all  to  write.  Words 
are  so  inadequate  to  express  properly  one's  feel- 
ings at  such  times  that  one  should  approach  such 
a  task  with  prayerful  consideration. 

To  a  Friend  on  the  Death  of  Her  Husband 

Pensacola,  Fla., 
February  4,  1919. 
My  dear  Mrs.  Anderson : 

It  was  with  feelings  of  the  deepest  grief  and 
sorrow  that  I  read  the  account  of  your  husband's 
death. 

At  such  a  time  it  is  indeed  difficult  to  choose 
words  that  possibly  may  comfort  one  whose  loss 
is  so  great.  Knowing  your  husband  intimately  as 
I  did,  I  can  understand  what  a  terrible  blow  his 
death  must  be  to  you.  His  place  will  not  be  easily 


118  CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING 

filled  in  the  world ;  how  impossible  to  fill  it  in  the 
home. 

While  not  rich  in  this  world's  goods,  he  left  a 
legacy  that  is  undying  to  his  children  in  a  name 
that  is  unsullied  and  a  life  that  was  beyond  re- 
proach. You  at  least  have  a  happy  reunion  to  look 
forward  to  when  there  shall  be  no  more  parting. 
May  God  in  His  infinite  mercy  help  you  to  bear 
this  cross  and  give  you  the  peace  and  perfect 
understanding  that  will  enable  you  to  bow  in  sub- 
mission to  His  will. 

It  is  unnecessary  to  assure  you  that  you  have 
but  to  call  upon  me  and  I  will  consider  it  a  favor 
to  serve  you  in  any  way  within  my  power. 
Most  sincerely, 

Charles  H.  Graham. 
Mrs.  J.  H.  Anderson, 

Pensacola. 

To  a  Friend  on  the  Death  of  His  Wife 

Raleigh,  N.  C., 

April  18, 1919. 
My  dear  Charles : 

It  should  not  be  necessary  for  me  to  tell  you 
how  constantly  you  are  in  my  thoughts  and  how 
my  heart  bleeds  for  you  during  the  sorrowful 
and  lonesome  hours  through  which  you  are 
passing. 

Your  wife  was  one  of  the  noblest  characters  I 
have  ever  met,  and  was  undoubtedly  one  of  those 
rare  true  Christians  whose  every-day  life  was 
spent  in  living  for  others.  You  have  cause  for 
your  grief,  my  dear  Charles,  and  your  present 
outlook  on  life  will  naturally  seem  all  but  hopeless. 

You  have  many  true  friends  who  are  sympathiz- 
ing with  you  in  your  hour  of  affliction  and  who 


CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING  119 

are  anxious  to  do  something,  anything  to  help  you 
bear  this  burden.  Do  not  hesitate  to  call  on  me 
at  any  hour  oi  the  day  or  night — I  shall  be  ready 
to  come  at  your  command,  or  to  receive  you.  Try 
to  get  out  into  the  open  and  view  the  handiwork 
of  God  and  nature  during  this  wonderful  spring; 
take  long  walks  and  try  to  reconcile  yourself  to 
God's  will. 

I  feel  that  I  have  utterly  failed  properly  to 
express  my  feelings,  but,  my  dear  fellow,  you 
know  and  must  realize  how  willingly  I  would  bear 
a  part  of  this  pain  foj  you,  were  it  but  possible. 

With  assurances  of  affection  and  trusting  that 
you  will  not  fail  to  call  me  up  some  time  when  I 
can  personally  tell  you  something  of  what  I  feel, 
I  am, 

Sincerely, 

William  H.  Standiford. 
To  Charles  H.  Dillingham, 

Raleigh. 

To  a  Friend  on  the  Death  of  a  Sister 

Asheville,  N.  C., 

October  9,  1919. 
My  dear  Frank : 

I  trust  that  this  short  note  may  at  least  to  some 
slight  extent  assure  you  of  my  sincere  sympathy 
for  you  in  your  affliction.  Your  sister  was  a 
young  lady  of  exceptionally  high  character  and 
with  a  charming  and  charitable  personality, 
which  endeared  her  to  her  many  friends  and  ac- 
quaintances. We  all  mourn  with  you  and  are 
anxious  to  share  your  pain  and  sorrow.  It  is 
indeed  sad  to  see  any  one  who  had  so  much  to 
make  life  happy  cut  off  in  the  flower  of  her  youth. 

It  must  be  a  matter  of  some  comfort  to  vou  in 


120  CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING 

your  hour  of  affliction  to  realize  that  every  one 
who  came  in  contact  with  her  was  made  better- 
that  her  simple  Christian  life  was  an  example 
that  will  live  forever  in  the  hearts  of  her  many 
friends.  The  world  has  been  made  better  by  her 
short  sojourn  here.  May  God  give  you  strength 
and  grace  to  say  "  Thy  will  be  done." 
Your  sincere  friend, 

Charles  W.  Wellington. 

Prank  Armstrong,  Jr., 

Asheville,  N.  C. 

The  three  foregoing  letters  are  all  that  will  be 
given  of  this  particular  type  of  communication. 
The  author  feels  to  a  certain  extent  presumptuous 
in  advising  his  readers  how  to  write  at  such  a 
time.  One  should  be  guided  by  the  heart  and  it  is 
not  the  way  a  letter  of  condolence  is  worded  but 
the  honest  sympathy  and  sincerity  that  can  be 
read  between  the  lines  that  comforts  the  friend 
who  is  sorely  afflicted. 

Letter  of  Apology 

San  Antonio,  Texas, 

August  5,  1919. 
Dear  Miss  Rivers : 

I  fear  that  nothing  I  can  say  will  influence  you 
to  overlook  my  inexcusable  actions  last  night.  A 
gentleman  should  never  lose  his  temper  in  the 
presence  of  a  lady,  no  matter  what  the  provoca- 
tion, and  you  would  be  perfectly  justified  in  con- 
sidering our  acquaintance  at  an  end. 

T  am  honestly  and  sincerely  penitent  for  what  I 
said  and  did,  and  can  assure  you  that  nothing  of 


CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING  121 

the  kind  will  ever  happen  again  under  any  cir- 
cumstances or  conditions. 

I  can  only  hope  that  your  charitable  nature  will 
allow  you  to  forgive  if  not  forget  the  occurrence. 
I  have  no  excuse  to  offer;  I  simply  throw  myself 
on  the  mercy  of  the  court,  trusting  that  you  will 
temper  justice  with  mercy  and  give  me  another 
trial. 
Yours,  most  sincerely, 

Henry  B.  Adams. 
Miss  Caroline  Kivers, 

Addressed. 

The  Reply 

San  Antonio,  Texas, 

August  6,  1919. 
Dear  Mr.  Adams : 

I  have  read  your  letter  of  apology  several  times 
and  have  carefully  considered  the  matter  from  all 
sides.  I  want  to  be  just  and  yet  at  times  I  feel  as 
if  I  could  never  quite  overlook  what  was  almost  a 
direct  insult  in  public.  Your  letter  rings  true, 
however,  and  I  really  believe  that  you  are  sin- 
cerely sorry.  Under  the  circumstances,  I  am  in- 
clined to  forgive  you  and  allow  our  relations  to 
remain  the  same  as  before  the  unfortunate  occur- 
rence, trusting  that  nothing  of  the  kind  will  hap- 
pen again,  for  a  repetition  would  assuredly  force 
me  to  consider  our  friendship  at  an  end. 
Yours  very  truly, 

Caroline  Eivers. 
Mr.  Henry  B.  Adams, 
Addressed. 


122  CORRECT  LETTER  WRITING 

A  Letter  of  Introduction 

Charleston,  Miss., 

May  6,  1919. 
Dear  Mr.  Henderson : 

This  letter  will  be  presented  by  Mr.  Edwin  H. 
Laird,  a  personal  friend  of  mine,  who  will  be  in 
Jackson  for  two  or  three  days  on  business. 

I  heartily  commend  him  to  you  as  a  young  man 
of  sterling  qualities  and  pleasing  personality,  and 
feel  assured  you  will  consider  yourself  fortunate 
in  having  the  opportunity  to  make  his  acquaint- 
ance. 

Anything  that  you  may  do  towards  contributing 
to  his  comfort  or  pleasure  while  in  your  city  will 
be  considered  as  a  personal  favor. 
Yours  very  truly, 

James  H.  Edwards. 
Mr.  John  M.  Henderson, 
First  National  Bank  Bldg., 
Jackson,  Miss. 

Another  Form 

Charleston,  Miss., 

May  6,  1919. 
My  dear  Mr.  Henderson : 

The  bearer,  Edwin  H.  Laird,  will  be  in  Jackson 
on  the  8th  and  9th  instant  on  business.  You  may 
rest  assured  that  his  word  is  as  good  as  his  bond, 
and  I  take  pleasure  in  testifying  to  his  absolute 
reliability  in  every  sense  of  the  word. 

I  commend  him  to  your  good  offices  and  will 
highly  appreciate  any  courtesy  you  may  extend. 
Sincerely, 

James  H.  Edwards. 
Mr.  John  M.  Henderson, 
Jackson,  Miss. 


CHAPTER  XIV 

ETIQUETTE  IN  THE  HOME 

There  are  many  individuals  whose  reputation 
for  good  breeding  and  politeness  is  indisputable 
in  public.  They  are  frequently  pointed  out  and 
made  a  shining  example  to  young  people  as  being 
everything  that  is  desirable  in  manners  and  gen- 
eral deportment.  They  are  never  guilty  of  a 
breach  of  etiquette  or  good  manners  in  public, 
and  are  models  of  propriety  in  every  sense  of  the 
word  when  on  exhibition.  And  yet,  alas !  If  we 
see  them  in  their  homes,  what  an  extraordinary 
transformation  has  taken  place.  An  untidy  and 
careless  appearance  has  taken  the  place  of  the 
carefully  correct  attire  and  toilet  for  public  dis- 
play; unpolished  shoes,  shabby  and  soiled  linen 
and  apparel,  and  a  generally  unkempt  look  now 
is  shown  by  the  supposed  infallible  and  perfectly 
clothed  individual.  Not  content  with  a  decided 
falling  off  in  personal  appearance,  the  manners  of 
the  man  or  woman  have  also  greatly  deteriorated. 
Sharp,  cutting  remarks  are  now  in  evidence  in- 
stead of  gentle  and  kindly  phrases;  coarse  witti- 
cisms take  the  place  of  really  clever  but  harmless 
humor,  and  we  wonder  if  we  have  not  been  mis- 
taken. Surely  this  cannot  be  the  same  polished 
and  charming  member  of  society  we  met  at  a 
public  social  function  a  few  evenings  ago — and  yet, 
it  is  only  too  true — the  affected  veneer  and 

123 


124  ETIQUETTE  IN  THE  HOME 

polish  put  on  for  the  benefit  of  the  public  is  thrown 
off  at  home,  showing  the  supposed  perfect  lady  or 
gentleman  to  be  selfish,  coarse  and  unworthy  of 
the  respect  and  esteem  falsely  obtained  by  stu- 
dious and  careful  conduct  in  public. 

Such  individuals  are  the  Pharisees  of  Society, 
and  are  invariably  hypocritical  and  untrust- 
worthy; their  undoing  and  final  disastrous  finish 
is  a  matter  of  absolute  certainty,  and  sooner  or 
later  they  will  be  known  for  what  they  really  are 
and  shunned  and  ostracized  accordingly. 

The  man  or  woman  who  will  smile  sweetly  on 
all  occasions  when  on  inspection  socially  and  will 
loudly  call  downstairs  for  the  patient  and  tired 
mother  to  perform  some  task  that  should  rightly 
fall  to  their  own  lot ;  or  absolutely  ignore  and 
sneer  at  the  kindly  advice  of  an  aged  father  or 
relative  is  neither  lady  or  gentleman  in  the  true 
sense  of  the  word — far  more  apt  are  they  to  be  a 
"  snob  "or  a"  cad." 

At  no  time  or  place  is  true  gentility  and  perfect 
manners  so  in  evidence  as  in  the  home.  What 
Heaven  on  Earth  is  the  home  where  each  member 
of  the  household  holds  for  the  other  a  true,  un- 
selfish and  sincere  affection;  when  one  readily 
sacrifices  his  pleasure  or  convenience  for  the 
other.  When  the  Son  greets  Father  and  Mother 
at  the  breakfast  table  with  a  pleasant  smile,  kiss- 
ing his  Mother  and  kindly  inquiring  after  his 
Father's  health.  Later  he  will  assist  his  Father 
with  his  coat  and  in  every  way  show  that  he  is 


ETIQUETTE  IN  THE  HOME  125 

honestly  interested  in  everything  that  pertains  to 
his  happiness  and  welfare.  Likewise  the  daughter 
is  up  assisting  her  Mother  cheerfully  with  the 
morning  tasks,  greeting  each  member  of  the  house- 
hold with  a  smile  and  pleasant  speech,  doing 
everything  possible  to  lighten  the  work  about  the 
house  up  to  the  time  it  is  necessary  for  her  to 
leave  for  office  or  school. 

Likewise,  Father  and  Mother  should  do  their 
part.  The  head  of  the  house  should  avoid  the 
early  morning  grouch,  so  frequently  in  evidence 
at  the  breakfast  table ;  Mother  should  be  pleasant 
and  not  inflict  the  family  at  meal  time  with  the 
small,  petty  and  vexatious  annoyances  of  domestic 
life.  Above  all,  the  wife  and  mother  should  avoid 
nagging.  Nothing  will  do  more  towards  destroy- 
ing the  peace  and  comfort  of  a  home  to  any  greater 
extent  than  the  wife  who  constantly  nags  at  hus- 
band and  children  for  things  that  really  amount 
to  nothing.  While  it  is  trying  if  a  certain  member 
of  the  family  is  a  little  late  to  some  meal,  yet  it 
does  not  help  matters  or  add  to  the  harmony  of 
the  meal  to  scream  at  the  offender  for  five  or  ten 
minutes.  In  like  manner,  each  member  of  the 
household  should  earnestly  try  to  arrive  promptly ; 
nothing  so  harrasses  or  tends  to  drive  the  house- 
wife to  sharp  and  caustic  remarks  as  lateness  to 
meals;  we  should  all  be  on  time  unless  excep- 
tional and  very  good  reasons  prevent. 

The  writer  doubts  if  any  good  has  ever  been 
accomplished  in  this  world  by  scolding.  At  cer- 


126  ETIQUETTE  IN  THE  HOME 

tain  times  discipline  and  punishment  are  abso- 
lutely essential,  but  constantly  telling  a  child  that 
it  is  bad  will  eventually  make  the  accusation 
come  true. 

It  is  unpardonable  and  unforgivable  in  a  mother 
for  prudish  reasons  to  avoid  taking  a  daughter 
who  is  just  entering  into  womanhood  quietly 
aside  at  times  and  explaining  to  her  the  mysteries 
of  life,  the  snares  and  temptations  that  await  the 
young  girl  and  woman  in  the  world,  and  giving 
the  child  the  benefit  of  her  experience.  Oh, 
mothers !  You  will  live  to  regret  your  shyness  and 
embarrassments  on  these  subjects.  If  your  daugh- 
ter learns  of  birth  and  life  and  sex  from  your  own 
lips  she  will  ever  after  consider  such  things  as 
sacred  and  proper.  The  girl  who  faces  the  world 
in  ignorance  and  learns  of  these  vital  secrets 
through  so-called  "smutty"  stories  and  from 
companions  starts  with  a  great  handicap.  She 
will  soon  consider  such  subjects  as  something 
unclean  and  will  acquire  an  entirely  incorrect  idea 
of  the  beauties  of  life.  Far  more  girls  go  wrong 
through  ignorance  of  the  manners  of  men  and  the 
pitfalls  that  are  in  her  path  than  through  all  other 
causes  combined.  The  mother  whose  daughter 
falls  through  such  ignorance  is  at  least  indirectly 
responsible  for  her  downfall. 

Likewise,  the  Father  should  talk  to  his  son 
through  the  period  of  adolescence,  warning  him 
against  the  sins  of  the  flesh,  teaching  him  that  he 
should  live  as  clean  a  life  as  he  would  expect  his 


ETIQUETTE  IN  THE  HOME  127 

mother  and  sister  to  live,  so  that  he  may  event- 
ually be  worthy  of  the  love  and  respect  of  some 
pure  woman. 

It  is  the  Father's  duty,  no  matter  how  limited 
his  income,  to  make  provision  for  his  family  in 
the  event  of  his  death.  Life  is  at  best  uncertain, 
and  there  is  no  such  real  tragedy  in  this  life  as 
the  family  which  faces  the  future  after  the  funeral 
without  funds  or  ability  to  earn  an  honest  living. 
Such  things  drive  boys  to  crime  and  girls  to  the 
street.  Life  insurance  is  absolutely  essential,  and 
the  first  present  a  young  husband  should  hand  to 
his  wife  is  a  policy  in  some  good  and  reliable 
Insurance  Company. 

It  is  likewise  the  Father's  duty  to  see  that  his 
wife's  allowance  is  up  to  the  limit  of  his  ability. 
It  is  her  duty  to  see  that  the  family  is  well  fed 
and  clothed,  and  nothing  else  is  more  certain  to 
produce  an  unhappy,  discontented  household  as  a 
stingy  provider.  He  should  at  no  time  cripple 
himself  to  provide  either  food  or  apparel  beyond 
his  means,  and  should  let  nothing  interfere  with  a 
small  savings  account. 

The  Mother  should  take  a  pride  in  providing  the 
best  possible  food  and  clothing  for  herself  and 
children  that  her  allowance  permits.  Careful 
planning  and  real  judgment  will  permit  the  ex- 
penditure of  a  small  allowance  far  more  satisfac- 
torily than  large  amounts  carelessly  and  unneces- 
sarily expended.  All  girls  should  be  taught  to 
sew,  both  by  hand  and  on  the  machine.  Any 


128  ETIQUETTE  IN  THE  HOME 

young  woman  in  moderate  circumstances  who  can 
make  her  own  clothes  has  a  wonderful  advantage 
over  her  more  unfortunate  sisters.  Children 
should,  early  in  life,  be  taught  the  importance  of 
saving.  Systematic  saving,  persisted  in  from 
month  to  month,  insures  eventual  independence 
and  prosperity  to  a  greater  extent  than  any  other 
one  thing.  Likewise  should  children  be  brought 
up  in  the  knowledge  that  "  Honesty  is  the  best 
policy  " — in  fact,  it  should  be  impressed  upon 
them  that  it  is  the  only  policy.  Children  are  fre- 
quently naturally  dishonest.  This  is  not  at  all 
¥Hiusual,  and  is  the  result  of  a  variety  of  combina- 
tions and  circumstances.  A  child  soon  learns 
that,  after  committing  a  fault,  they  are  not  pun- 
ished if  not  found  out.  Thus  they  are  encouraged 
to  prevaricate.  Early  in  life,  it  should  be  most 
forcibly  impressed  upon  them  that  a  lie  is  an 
almost  unpardonable  sin,  far  worse  than  the 
original  fault  that  made  the  lie  necessary.  No 
child  should  be  punished  for  an  accident;  for 
example,  the  breaking  of  a  dish,  vase,  loss  of  a 
book.  They  should  be  admonished  to  be  more 
careful  in  the  future,  but  never  punished  unless 
the  fault  threatens  to  become  chronic.  When  a 
child  bravely  comes  and  confesses  a  fault — ah,  how 
tenderly  and  with  what  good  grace  this  confession 
should  be  received.  But  when  once  a  child  lies, 
punishment  should  be  swift,  severe,  and  nothing 
should  prevent  it. 
The  author  has  not  the  slightest  intention  to 


ETIQUETTE  IN  THE  HOME  129 

preach  a  long  and  tedious  sermon  on  how  properly 
to  raise  children,  and  has  simply  touched  on  a  very 
few  of  the  vital  subjects  that  should  be  carefully 
and  prayerfully  considered  by  all  fathers  and 
mothers. 

Children  should  be  taught  to  bo  courteous  to 
each  other  at  home,  thereby  establishing  the  true 
foundation  for  future  perfect  ladies  and  gentle-^ 
men.  Little  boys  should  be  taught  to  sacrifice 
themselves  and  to  be  invariably  helpful  and 
polite  to  their  own  sisters  as  well  as  to  somebody 
else's  sister-.  Boys  frequently  wonder  what  it  is 
that  other  fellows  see  in  their  sisters  to  admire; 
this  is  all  too  frequently  the  case,  and  is  often  the 
result  of  the  sister's  disregard  and  inconsiderate 
actions  towards  a  younger  brother.  How  beauti- 
ful to  see  a  real  and  sincere  affection  between 
brother  and  sister;  this  shows  good  breeding  and 
etiquette  without  question. 

In  conclusion,  the  secret  of  etiquette  in  the  home, 
the  essential  for  real  and  unadulterated  happi- 
ness, is  unselfishness  and  kindly  consideration  frr 
the  thoughts  and  feelings  of  each  member  of  tho 
household.  Parents  should  never  hold  a  child  up 
to  ridicule — nothing  is  more  cruel  to  a  sensitive 
child  than  this.  The  entire  subject  may  be 
summed  up  by  urging  true  charity  and  Christi- 
anity in  every-day  life.  No  more  beautiful  hymn 
has  ever  been  written  than  "  When  There's  Love 
at  Home."  It  should  be  sung  heartily  and  with 
true  feeling  and  sentiment  on  the  occasion  of  each 


130  ETIQUETTE  IN  THE  HOME 

wedding  anniversary  and  frequently  in  between 
times. 

The  foregoing  chapter  has  been  written  with  an 
effort  of  proving  that  the  man  or  woman  who 
affects  a  pleasant  personality,  gentle  breeding  and 
good  manners  in  public  and  drops  the  mantle  of 
courtesy  and  politeness  at  the  door  of  the  home  is 
but  a  shell  of  the  perfect  lady  or  gentleman,  a 
polished  exterior  covering  selfishness,  hypocrisy 
and  general  rottenness  at  the  core, 


I 

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CHAPTER  XV 

A  FEW  GENERAL  EULES 

Nothing  so  plainly  shows  a  lack  of  breeding  as 
to  converse  while  some  one  is  entertaining  the 
company  with  music  or  recitation.  It  also  is  proof 
of  extreme  selfishness  on  the  part  of  those  guilty 
of  this  breach  of  etiquette. 

Ladies,  bear  in  mind  that  "  Familiarity  breeds 
contempt/' 

Gentlemen  should  always  rise  from  their  seats 
when  being  presented  to  members  of  either  sex; 
with  ladies  this  is  not  necessary. 

When  playing  cards  or  any  other  game,  care- 
fully avoid  any  public  demonstration  of  annoy- 
ance at  a  run  of  bad  luck. 

Gentlemen  do  not  give  expensive  presents  to 
ladies  unless  a  degree  of  unusual  intimacy  exists. 
Candy  and  flowers  are  always  proper  gifts. 

Gentlemen  will  always  raise  their  hat  when  a 
lady  acknowledges  some  act  of  courtesy  as  a  re- 
sponse to  such  acknowledgment ;  likewise  after  as- 
sisting her  into  a  carriage  or  automobile. 

It  is  unpardonable  to  cut  a  person  deliberately 
on  the  street  unless  for  some  extremely  good  rea- 
son, and  the  reasons  are  extremely  few.  If  a 
person  has  been  so  unfortunate  as  to  have  dis- 
graced himself,  the  true  gentleman  or  lady  will 
go  out  of  their  way  to  speak  kindly  to  their  erring 

132 


A  FEW  GENERAL  RULES  133 

friend  or  acquaintance.  It  is  very  easy  to  show 
an  undesirable  person  that  you  are  not  willing  to 
be  on  any  but  the  most  formal  terms  with  him  by 
coldly  bowing  or  other  means. 

Gentlemen  should  never  offer  to  shake  hands 
with  a  lady,  particularly  if  the  acquaintance  is 
slight;  this  is  the  lady's  prerogative,  and  she  may 
use  her  own  judgment  as  to  when  it  is  proper  to 
extend  her  hand  in  greeting.  Except  in  excep- 
tional cases,  the  lady  should  not  offer  to  shake 
hands  on  the  street. 

Avoid  talking  about  your  personal  affairs  and 
petty  troubles ;  you  will  soon  gain  the  reputation, 
of  being  a  bore;  never,  under  any  circumstances, 
air  your  family  grievances  in  public;  nothing 
shows  poorer  taste. 

Do  not  be  too  inquisitive ;  no  matter  how  curious 
do  not  try  to  pry  into  the  affairs  of  your  friends 
and  acquaintances.  You  will  be  spoken  of  as  a 
busybody  and  shunned  by  everyone  if  you  do. 

Avoid  gossip,  particularly  avoid  speaking  un- 
kindly of  any  friend  or  acquaintance  who  is 
absent.  This  is  one  of  the  most  common  breaches 
of  etiquette,  and  many  things  said  at  random, 
with  no  intention  of  actual  harm,  have  wrought 
havoc  in  the  lives  and  reputations  of  others. 

Should  a  lady's  shoe  become  unlaced,  a  gentle- 
man may,  with  perfect  propriety,  offer  to  fasten 
same. 

Do  not  whistle  or  hum  to  yourself  when  on  the 
street. 


131  A  FEW  GENERAL  RULES 

Avoid  onions  or  tobacco  when  you  contemplate 
making  a  social  call  on  ladies. 

Above  all  things,  do  not  pick  your  teeth,  clean 
your  finger  nails  or  scratch  your  head  in  public. 

Ladies  are  not  expected  to  take  a  gentleman's 
arm  when  promenading  in  the  day  time. 

Individuals  so  fortunate  as  to  be  able  to  enter- 
tain by  reciting,  singing,  playing  or  in  other  ways 
should  respond  gracefully  when  asked,  unless  for 
some  really  plausible  reason.  Only  a  very  inex- 
perienced person  waits  to  be  urged.  Be  careful 
not  to  occupy  the  limelight  and  show  off  for  too 
long  a  period  as  to  have  your  efforts  become  mo- 
notonous. It  is  far  more  tactful  and  satisfactory 
to  stop  before  the  company  has  heard  quite  enough 
than  to  go  to  the  other  extreme. 

Gentlemen  should  not  smoke  at  any  time  in  the 
presence  of  ladies  without  requesting  and  obtain- 
ing their  permission  in  advance.  If  the  permis- 
sion is  given  with  apparent  reluctance,  the  perfect 
gentleman  will  have  sufficient  diplomacy  not  to 
take  advantage  of  the  privilege.  Under  no  cir- 
cumstances should  a  gentleman  smoke  when  walk- 
ing with  a  lady  on  the  street ;  the  fact  that  this  is 
done  frequently  does  not  alter  the  fact  that  it  is  a 
breach  of  etiquette. 

Gentlemen  should  be  careful  to  extend  all  pos- 
sible little  courtesies,  such  as  picking  up  a  glove 
or  handkerchief,  fetching  a  chair,  assisting  her 
in  and  out  of  street  cars;  nothing  so  endears  a 


A  FEW  GENERAL  RULES  135 

man  to  the  feminine  mind  as  the  strict  observance 
of  these  smali  but  important  matters. 

Avoid  affectation;  be  simple  and  natural.  If 
the  company  in  which  you  are  spending  an  evening 
is  a  little  lower  than  your  own  social  plane,  do  not 
adopt  superior  airs. 

Do  not  read  personal  letters  or  papers  in  com- 
pany unless  absolutely  necessary;  at  such  a  time, 
request  permission  to  do  so  and  apologize  for  the 
necessity. 

If  visiting  a  sick  friend,  above  all  things  be 
cheerful ;  do  not  insist  upon  relating  how  many  o*f 
your  friends  have  been  likewise  afflicted,  and  how 
much  worse  they  were ;  avoid  talks  of  friends  who 
have  been  seized  with  the  same  malady  and  fatally 
attacked. 

Do  not  force  your  opinion  and  insist  upon  being 
heard  when  your  superiors  are  talking. 

Avoid  speaking  of  melancholy  and  doleful  mat- 
ters at  the  table  or  at  social  gatherings. 

If  a  person  appears  in  public  with  bruised 
countenance  or  other  blemish,  do  not  gaze  at  the 
unfortunate  individual  fixedly,  nor  inquire  as  to 
how  it  happened.  It  is  generally  bad  enough 
without  having  to  add  unpleasant  explanations. 

In  case  of  argument,  remember  there  are  always 
two  sides,  and  do  not  treat  your  opponent  with 
scorn  and  strive  to  give  the  impression  that  he 
is  of  unsound  intellect;  possibly  the  company 
are  entertaining  the  same  sentiments  towards 
yourself. 


136  A  FEW  GENERAL  RULES 

Be  ever  courteous  to  every  one,  no  matter  what 
his  rank  and  station  in  life  may  be. 

Never  speak  in  a  frivolous  manner  of  sacred 
things. 

Do  not  permit  yourself  to  become  annoyed  or 
disturbed  at  trifles. 


CHAPTER  XVI 

MENUS 

NOTE. — The  following  are  appropriate  menus 
for  Breakfast,  Lunch  and  Dinner,  and  sufficiently 
elaborate  for  most  occasions.  They  may  be  varied 
to  suit  the  taste  and  purse  of  the  hostess : 


BREAKFAST 

Grape  Fruit 
Cereal,  with  Cream 

Shirred  Eggs  Buttered  Toast 

Broiled  Lamb  Chops          French  Fried  Potatoes 

Hot  Bolls  Coffee 


LUNCH 

Hot  or  Cold  Consomme  in  Cups 

Salted  Wafers 
Olives  India  Relish  Saratoga  Chips 

Lobster  a  la  Newburg 

Cold  Meats  with  Potato  Salad 

Orange  Sherbet 

Small  Cakes 

Coffee 

137 


138  MENUS 

DINNER 

Oysters  served  on  the  Half  Shell 

Cream  of  Tomato  Soup 

Mixed  Pickles          Salted  Wafers          Chow  Chow 
Broiled  Black  Bass        Small  Potatoes 

Koast  Chicken  or  Turkey 
Mashed  Potatoes  Green  Peas 

Corn  Fritters 

Tomatoes,  Lettuce  and  Asparagus  Tips 

Served  Iced  with  Mayonnaise 

Ice  Cream 

Layer  Cake 

Candies  Eaisins  Nuts 

Coffee 


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